


Different Kinds of Pain

by AlwaysAmused



Series: Born of Ice, Raised with Fire [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asexual Character, Blood, Fire, Genderfluid Loki, I do indeed cackle whilst writing, Loki is NOT Sleipnir's mother, M/M, Minor Character Death, Poor Loki, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Sif is clever but horrible, Stereotypical dwarfs are overrated, Thor in a dress, Thor is a dick, Unreliable Narrator, traumatic mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysAmused/pseuds/AlwaysAmused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you alright?"</p><p>Loki curled tighter on himself, squeezing his eyes shut, shuddering as he held back a sob. "Hey, hey, you're okay, you're alright." Whoever it was came into the stall and sat down next to him. "Remember to breath, yeah?"</p><p>In which a young Loki finds a friend, and learns that not all pain is physical.</p><p>Based off the "Sif gets her hair cut off" myth. Prequel to <em>Am I Cursed?</em>, but can be read on its own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

The only problem about living in Asgard, Loki often thought, was that it was literally made of gold. It was everywhere he looked; in the buildings, in the statues, and some of the streets were paved with it. As it were, even most Aesir had blond, or at least lightly colored hair.

Yet there was only one person in all of Asgard who looked as though their hair was made purely from the metal. Her name was Sif, and she was the daughter of a Lord. She was also considered beautiful by everyone.

Everyone, it seemed, except him, Loki. And it wasn't even because of her physical appearance; he admitted that she was, physically, the most beautiful person in the world. But she was vain, more than Fandral, and that in of itself was a feat. But whereas people teased Fandral, people encouraged her. Everyone was wrapped around her little finger and personally, Loki was sick of it.

And so it was that the two of them glared at each other from behind other people's backs. Usually, that person was Thor, whom Sif liked to hang around. And like everyone else, Thor saw nothing wrong with her. And like everyone else, whenever Sif blamed Loki, Thor took her side unless Loki could show proof that she was “mistaken.”

Sif liked to blame him a lot. He'd grown quite the reputation in the past few decades. Usually Loki could defend himself rather well, showing proof of his innocence. But if he ever tried to accuse _her_ , all she had to do was bat her eyes, tuck her golden hair behind her ears, and sniff a little and she got off instantly.

He hated it. But he didn't dare do anything. After all, Thor was always on _her_ side.

Loki used to follow Thor everywhere, but now it seemed like everywhere his brother went, the golden-haired fool usually followed, trying to gain his attention, not that Thor noticed. And since people otherwise only put up with him for Thor's sake, Loki often found himself alone.

One one such day, when Loki was reading a book, Sif wandered over. Loki flicked his eyes up, then went back to his book, ignoring her. She sat next to him and said “You know only women use magic, right?”

Loki ignored her and continued to read. She waited a moment, and he flipped a page. Finally, she sighed and leaned in. "I said," she repeated, a bit louder, "only women use magic."

Loki clenched his jaw and continued to ignore her. "So," she said, "are you a woman?"

Sif, is there something you wanted?" Loki asked bluntly. "Or are you going to sit here, bothering me, all day?"

Sif smiled and crossed her arms. "As a matter of fact, there is."

"Then go find it somewhere else," Loki said, flipping another page. Not because he was finished with the one he was on, but more because he wanted to irritate her.

"But your _Highness_ ," she said sweetly, leaning in and batting her eyelashes at him. " _You're_ the only one smart enough to get me what I want."

"Oh? And what's that?" Loki asked sarcastically. "A new personality?"

"Oh, ha ha," Sif said, leaning away and tucking a few loose strands of hair back. " _No_. I want a love potion."

Loki stopped reading, but didn't look up. "A _what_?"

"A love potion, of course," she said. “Didn't you hear? I need one, and you're the only person who can make one.”

"Let me get this straight," Loki said shutting his book. "You want _me_ to make _you_ a love potion?" He gave a breathy laugh. "Sif, in order for a love potion to work properly, _you_ have to make it yourself."

"Then teach me!" She said with a sigh. "Surely it can't be _that_ difficult."

"All potions are difficult," Loki said. "Besides, I've never made one before. And if made wrong, it can go disastrous." A sudden thought occurred to him and he narrowed his eyes. "Who is the intended recipient of this potion anyway?"

"Never you mind," Sif said, waving away a hand. "It hardly matters."

"Fine," Loki huffed. "What's in it for me if I _do_ help you. _If_."

Sif shrugged. "Anything you like."

Loki sighed. "If you want someone to teach you, why not find an actual _teacher_ ? As you've said, only women use magic, so it shouldn't be _that_ difficult."

"Oh, why won't you just help me?" Sif all but whined.

"Because I don't like you," Loki said simply. "And I know that the indented for this potion is probably Thor."

Sif crossed her arms again. Loki grinned at her. "You'll just have to win him over with you're natural charms."

"Why not? You humiliate Thor all the time!"

Loki frowned at her. "Not _all_ the time. Once a year at most; I've got _standards_. Besides, he mostly just humiliates himself."

"This will be no different!" Sif insisted.

"Why?" Loki smirked. "So desperate to get your legs spread for him? All you need do is ask; he must bed some woman every other evening."

Sif turned red and she opened her mouth in disgust. "Do you- Are you calling me a _harlot_?"

"I said nothing of the sort," Loki said, raising his eyebrows. "You _are_ , on the other hand, nothing more than a petty, spoiled little girl who just can't accept it when people don't do what she wants. I think you're conceited and selfish and a coward. You're just a little girl who throws a temper tantrum when she doesn't get her way. The only reason Thor even pays any attention to you is because you're beautiful. So go ahead; run to Thor and cry and say that Loki was mean. It'll only prove to me that I am correct."

"At least people like me," she said with a shrug. "But you? Who could like you? You are a coward and a liar. And not only do you use magic, but you're not even that good at it. You call yourself a warrior? You can barely lift a sword."

" _Enough_ ," Loki growled, standing

"What, can't take what people think of you?" She said, smirking. "Everyone thinks it, Loki; you'll never be a warrior, and you'll never be a sorcerer either." She turned and left, leaving him to stare after her angrily.

* * *

As much as he hated to admit it, Sif was right; most men who studied magic were usually called cowards, with the exception of the Allfather. It didn't really surprise him to learn that people thought he was a coward. Most if not all people knew he preferred books to weapons anyway, and even his chosen weapon, throwing knives, were considered a coward, or thief's tool. He knew that people considered and called him a liar, but the fact remained that Loki didn't often lie at all. Usually, he told the truth about someone, a truth they often denied, or tried to hide. So, they called him a liar. It was easier for them than accepting it as true.

Yet Sif's remarks had cut deep. True, he'd already suspected what others thought of him, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. After his encounter with Sif, he went to his bedroom, put his book away, then curled up in the bed, staring at the wall as thoughts ran through his mind. _Are you a woman?_  Sif had said it jokingly of course, but Loki couldn't help but wonder. Sure, he sometimes _felt_ like a woman. Perhaps that was why he was so skilled with it? And he _was_ skilled with it, regardless of what Sif said. Then again, men _could_ be skilled in the art, most were simply too afraid to be branded a coward to do so, and even that was because most people didn't quite know just how useful magic was; it saved him time and energy, and got things done as efficiently as possible. But his best and favorite branch of magic was fire magic. He loved to watch the blue or orange flames lick his fingers when he called it up. It was warm, but didn't burn. A trick he'd played once involved putting his more harmless flames upon the cape of one he disliked. Their screams when they realized they were “on fire” were worth it, even if he'd gotten in trouble later. It was his favorite prank to play on strangers, but he didn't do it too often anymore, and he didn't dare do it to guests of great importance, like princes and kings from other Realms.

For now, Loki sat up, calling his flames up. They wound through his fingers, warming them as he thought. He knew other branches as well, like water, air, and earth, but air sometimes refused to be controlled by him. Water was a bit easier, and earth sometimes refused to help him, yet fire magic was just so much more _useful_. And then of course there was ice magic. It was only for the most skilled of sorcerers, for it required that one understand both fire magic and water magic at the same time. Fire was just heat, ice was simply the opposite. Loki had trouble with other branches of elemental magic, like lava, or metal, or steam. But, as fire came naturally to him, and water was his next best area of elements, perhaps he could do it.

Loki got up, deciding he'd try. He walked back to his bookshelf and looked through until he found the book Frigga had given him on other branches of elemental magic, then flipped through to the marked page and glanced over it. In theory, he understood the magic and spells extremely well, he'd just never tried it in practice. Usually Frigga liked to be there to help him learn new things, but she'd be too busy recently, and he wanted to do this on his own, _without_ help.

He walked into his other room—he had two; a bedroom, and another room that was _supposed_ to be for guests, but since Loki rarely every had guests, he's turned it into a library/study—and sat down, cross-legged on the floor, eyes still flicking over the pages. Finally, he put it aside, still open, and called fire to him. It came quickly as it had before and he put it on his knee before calling a handful of water. It came and he held it in his hand there in an orb, the other hand scooping the flames back. He cooled the flames to a colder temperature and slowly put it near the water, whispering the spell under his breath.

The flames refused. The water refused. Both elements refused to mix and obey the spell. Loki continued to chant the spell under his breath and push them together.

The water evaporated into steam, and the fire went out. _Damn,_ Loki thought, then sighed and tried to calm himself.  _That was okay,_ he thought. _I'll just try again._ He would sit there until he got it right. Or, at least until someone knocked on his door two hours later. By then, Loki had failed spectacularly about fifty times. He sighed and ignored it until Frigga called "Loki? Are you in there?"

He sighed and waved a hand at the door, opening it. She walked to the doorway of the study, as he called it, and said "What are you doing, my love?"

"Ice magic," Loki replied. "Or, trying to." He gave a sigh as yet another attempt failed. "Obviously to no avail."

Frigga walked in and sat on the floor next to him, looking at the book. "You weren't at dinner," she said, glancing over the page.

"Oh?" He said distractedly, trying another attempt, saying the spell under his breath.

"You're pronouncing it wrong," she said, listening to them. "This here is an 'ahh' sound, not an 'A' sound. And this one is a 'zuh,' not a 'zee.'"

Loki's attempt failed again and he looked over at what she was pointing at. He sighed. "Guess I'll try it."

"Dinner first," she said, standing.

"Not hungry," he replied vaguely.

"Loki," she said firmly. "You're a growing boy. You need to eat something. Did you have lunch?"

"...Maybe?"

She smiled gently. "You don't remember?"

He shrugged, not meeting her eyes. Her smile faded a little and she said "Whatever is the matter, my son? You seem unhappy."

"I've been here for two hours and I've yet to produce a single flake of ice," he said indignantly. "Excuse me for not being cheerful." It wasn't the whole truth, but for not, it was a great part of it.

She didn't look like she believed him, but she smiled again and said "Very well. Will you dine with me?"

"As you wish," Loki said, standing up. She stood as well and put her arm around his shoulders, leading him to her rooms. Dinner was already laid out for them and so they sat. Loki served himself, feeling Frigga's eyes upon him. He didn't look at her and instead are slowly, mostly pushing his food around his plate, Sif's words bouncing through his mind. _Not only do you use magic, but you're not even good at it_.

"Darling," Frigga said softly. "What bothers you so?"

"Nothing," Loki mumbled, taking another bite. Frigga was silent, though she still watched him. He sighed and said "Sif said that I'm a coward because I use magic. She thinks that I'm not good at it either." _This just proves her right,_ he gloomily added in his mind. "And then I told her that none would tolerate her if she didn't look pretty."

"Oh, Loki," Frigga sighed. "You are not bad at magic; you are simply still learning. All great sorcerers today start at a beginning level. Already you have succeeded in the four basic elements, and you can call illusions better than you could only two years ago. There are different kinds of magic, and people grasp some kinda better than others. This makes them no less powerful, or intelligent. Just better able at different kinds. Understand?"

Loki nodded and Frigga smiled. "You are such a skilled boy, Loki. You are still young and have plenty to learn yet. You will get it one day."

Loki nodded again, mood lifting some. "Doesn't stop me from trying today, though."

Frigga laughed. "There's my Loki," she said fondly. "Don't ever stop trying."

* * *

Sif was in her room, sitting in front of a vanity, but not really focusing on the reflection in the mirror, a question racing through her mind as she brushed her hair.

_Is Loki right?_

Loki. Norns how she hated him. Why was it that Thor always paid attention to _him_ instead of _her_? It wasn't like the second prince actually did anything interesting, except the occasional prank. And Loki always hung around them. Didn't he know when he wasn't wanted?

Okay, so _maybe_ she'd crossed a line earlier, but she knew for a fact that others thought it, even if no one ever told him to his face. To be a sorcerer was to be a coward; it was practically common knowledge. Except, she amended, for Hogun. But he was Vanir, and the Vanir were more tolerant about magic. Still, one who _only_ studied magic was a bit of an oddity. As far as she knew, only the Elves used magic all the time.

And he had been intimidating, too. He wasn't much taller than she, but it was the first time she'd felt a glimmer of doubt. He'd been angry, very much so. And then he had spurred out all the lies about how people only loves her for her hair. _So why is that damn question still bothering me?_

She shook her head. It couldn't be true. Sif knew she was beautiful; it wasn't even vanity speaking. From the time she was very small, she'd heard people remark upon the fact that she was beautiful. Perfect strangers who had told her she was gorgeous. She merely used the fact it to her advantage, surely Loki could appreciate using a situation to ones advantage, right?

Sif sighed and finished brushing her hair, pulling it back into a braid before walking into the bathroom to wash her face. _What to do?_ She thought. She still seethed at the remembrance of Loki's remark. Had he truly thought that he, Loki Odinson, was _better_ than her? True, he had a higher status than she, however he was disliked by practically everyone.

Everyone except _Thor_.

She splashed water on her face and washed with a lavender soap, then rinsed off. She then dried off and rubbed in a cleansing oil. She then dried off her hands and looked around for a cup so she could have a drink of water, when her eyes fell upon a pair of silver scissors.

Oh. That would work.

Sif put down the towel and picked them up, inspecting them. They were simple shears, clearly meant for cutting hair. She'd had her hair trimmed just a few days ago, but the shears hadn't been put away yet. She looked around and peered in the mirror, touching her golden braid. When loose, her hair reached about six inches up from her knees. It was a hassle to wash and keep tied up and if not for her mother, she would have cut it shorter, at least to the middle of her back. And she could blame the whole thing on Loki. After all, who would suspect her? Her part would be simple. Besides, hair grew back.

She swallowed and looked around again, making sure no one else was around. Then, she stopped touching her braid and grabbed it at the base of her neck. No turning back now, she thought. She placed the shears and cut. The braid fell away in her hands with a few seconds of gnawing away at the hair with the shears. She felt light-headed. She shook her head and looked in the mirror. Her hair now fell just below her jaw in a ragged way and she thought that if it were cleaned up a bit, it would look very nice indeed.

She walked over to her bedside table and placed the now loose braid and shears on top. The deed was done. Satisfied, but a bit lightheaded from the sudden loss of hair, she blew out the lights and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeaaahhhh, Thor's not getting any Big Brother Of The Year award, that's for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

Loki had continued to practice until he realized he had been reading the same passage about five times, and the words still hadn't sunk in. With a sigh, he stood and put the book on a table, then went to bed.

It was only a few hours later that Thor burst into the room. It was a rarity that Thor actually knocked on Loki's door before entering, so Loki was startled awake as Thor talked. He didn't even register what his brother was saying for a moment, then groaned and flopped back down, covering his head with the blankets.

"Go _away_ ," he moaned.

"Why are you still tired, brother? It's past nine!" Thor said, poking him.

"Why aren't _you_ still sleeping, brother?" Loki grumbled, his heart rate going back down again. "It's only past nine."

Thor laughed and said "Oh, come, brother; don't say you've forgotten."

"Hmph."

"You've promised to spar with me this morning!" Thor said, poking Loki's leg.

"No," Loki said grumpily, "I _distinctly_ remember saying that I would spar with you _some time_ today. I never said the morning."

"You're usually awake by this time anyway," Thor continued, ignoring him. "Are you ill?"

"Just tired," Loki said.

"Why?" Thor asked. "Don't tell me you were up all evening reading again."

"No," Loki denied. "I was just... up late. Doing stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Thor asked, grinning and poking him.

" _Important_ stuff," Loki replied. "Go away."

"You should eat breakfast," Thor said.

"Why is everyone concerned about my eating habits?" Loki said, sitting up and letting the blankets fall. "I shall eat when I am hungry."

"You could be hungry by the time you dress and get downstairs," Thor suggested right as Loki's stomach gave a traitorous growl.

"Not a word," Loki threatened, glaring as Thor grinned at him slowly. Loki pulled back the blankets and grabbed some clothes out of the wardrobe before walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He changed and combed his hair as quickly as he could, then brushed his teeth and went back out to where Thor was waiting. He pulled his boots on and then Thor dragged him out the door and downstairs to the dining room.

"So what _were_ you doing last night?" Thor asked as Loki failed to stifle his yawn.

"Nothing you'd be interested in, Thor," he replied, rubbing his eyes. "Trust me."

"Hmm. I'll find out eventually," Thor grinned.

"Good luck," Loki said, smirking. They sat down and began to eat, Loki mostly pushing his food around his plate while Thor talked to him and his friends about something uninteresting. He was leaning his cheek against his hand, half-falling asleep, but jolted when there was a piercing scream of " _LOKI_!"

He jolted up, suddenly wide awake as Sif stalked into the room, a pale blue scarf around her head, fire in her eyes. "You foul, cruel, malicious, _insect_! How dare you! How _dare_ you!"

"What?" Loki said indignantly, frowning at her. "At least tell me what you're blaming me for."

"My _hair_!" She screamed, clutching at the scarf, tears welling in her eyes. "You cut off my hair in my sleep! How _could_ you?"

" _What_?" Loki repeated in disbelief. "I did no such thing!"

Sif yanked down the scarf; her hair had been raggedly cut to her jaw. Thor's eyes widened and she said tearfully, "I found my braid and the shears on my bedside! You cut it off! I _know_ it was you!"

"It wasn't me!" Loki insisted, receiving furious glares. "I was in my room all night!"

"It was you!" She screamed. “Don't think I don't remember what you said yesterday; how you said people only liked me because I was pretty! You _liar_!”

“It _wasn't me_!” Loki shouted, standing. "I didn't cut it off!"

Thor stood and grabbed his arm, pulling him from the hall and outside. Loki stumbled along and said "Thor! _Thor_! Listen to me, I didn't do it! I _didn't_! I swear, I-"

Thor turned and threw a punch. It hit Loki square in the jaw and stars burst in front of Loki's vision. Thor hadn't let go of his arm and he threw another one, and another, and another.

"Thor, st-stop!" Loki cried. "Stop, _please_! I didn't do it!"

"Liar!" Thor snarled and let go of his arm, throwing another hit. Loki's head hit the wall behind him and Thor kicked his legs out from under him, tripping him and making him sprawl on the floor. Thor pulled his leg back again, this time to kick him, and Loki screamed "Okay! Okay! I did it! Please, Thor, _brother_!"

Thor lowered his foot slowly and reached down, picking Loki up and slamming him against the wall, arm across his neck. Loki tried to pry him off and gasped "Thor... I can't..."

"Silence," Thor snarled. Loki struggled.

"Th-Thor-"

"I said _silence_!" Thor shouted and Loki flinched, heart pounding, eyes wide and watering. Thor was looking at him with a promise of death and said quietly "You will fix this, brother. You _will_ replace Sif's hair, no matter the cost. And you will apologize to her at the first chance you get. Do you understand me?"

"I under-understand," Loki said, trying to swallow, mouth dry. Thor dropped Loki to the floor and backed away, Loki gasping and coughing. He then turned and walked back to Sif without a backwards glance. Loki trembled as stood, leaning on the wall, rubbing his throat, still breathing hard. "Oh, gods... Oh _gods_..." An unwanted sob broke from his mouth and he wiped his eyes, leaning against the wall and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears running down his face. Panic and fear washed over him and he lid back to the ground, curling up as his breath came in and out quickly, but with a bit of difficulty. Part of him even wondered why he was crying; in all honesty, he was more sore than actually hurt, though he _had_ bitten his cheek when Thor had been hitting him, hence the blood in his mouth.

 _Calm down,_ he ordered himself. And, slowly, he did. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, then wincing when he remembered he's hit it before, and there was a rather large bump there now. As he rubbed his head, one of his legs stretched out in front of him, the other foot under his thigh. A moment later, he heard footsteps and he looked up, scrambling to his feet and backing away.

It was Sif. She stopped short when she saw him and he swallowed. She shuffled and looked down.

"Um," she said. "Thor said you have something to tell me?"

Loki looked down and whispered "I'm... I'm sorry I cut your hair."

She stared at him, stunned. "What?"

"I'm sorry," He repeated, glancing up at her. He backed away a step, then turned and quickly walked away, furiously wiping his eyes as they teared up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! Apparently I forgot to mention this was a prequel. Sorry about that! I went back to fix that in the description.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally see some Dwarves, and Loki makes a really stupid decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Loki went to Alfheim that night, searching for a solution, but though there were various spells for illusions, there was nothing that could truly  _replace_ Sif's missing hair.  _I suppose I could always try to find who actually cut her hair, then make_ them _find a solution,_ he thought bitterly before returning to Asgard. The next morning, he went to Vanaheim.

The Vanir libraries were huge; more than once Loki had spent nearly the whole day there, Thor having to come and get him. He looked for hours, breaking only when he had to.

“What is it you're looking for?” An elderly librarian asked him when he finally

went to ask for help.

“I'm not quite sure,” he admitted. “An... acquaintance of mine's hair was cut off in the night, and I've been blamed for it. I'm trying to find a replacement for it.”

“For _hair_?” The librarian looked doubtful. “I don't think there's a spell for that, lad. However, if you're looking for craftsmanship, you'll want to go to Nidavellir. If anyone can make hair, it's the Dwarves. But be warned,” the librarian looked at him, a serious expression on her face. “The Dwarves don't make _anything_ for _anyone_ without a price.”

“I have gold,” Loki said.

“Still,” she said, shaking her head. “If you agree to their price, you will have to pay it in full. Dwarves don't take kindly to deceivers.”

Loki nodded. “I'll... keep that in mind. Thank you.”

He left the libraries and went back to Asgard, taking dinner in his rooms as he considered the librarian's words. The next morning, he left Asgard for a third time, heading this time to Nidavellir.

Nidavellir was unlike any Realm Loki had ever been to. For once, it was dark. The only natural light came from a single, white moon. There were no stars. Because of this, it was cold. There wasn't any wind, which was nice, but it was sort of _humid_ somehow, and the cold sank into ones bones. Loki wrapped his cloak around him and pulled the hood up, not wishing to be recognized. 

When Loki arrived, he pulled the hood of his cloak up and walked around, looking for a library, or really anyone to ask. Finally he sighed and simply approached someone.

Contrary to popular belief, Dwarves _weren't_ short and bearded. Those were Trolls, and Trolls most certainly did _not_ live in Nidavellir. No, no; Dwarves were tall, usually seven feet, more or less. They eere thin creatures, with large ears, and eyes like a cats. In retaliation, their mouths were thin and small, and they spoke very fast, if not loudly. Their fingers were long and thin, like large pale pencils, and their skin was almost as white as their moon. And though they were thin, and their hands resembled overlarge spiders, they were very, very strong, and they felt no pain.

“Excuse me,” Loki said, walking tentatively up to a Dwarf. “But I'm looking to get something made, and haven't really a clue where to go for it.”

The Dwarf looked at him with narrowed eyes, looking him up and down. “You're'n't'a  _Dwarf_ .”

“I- Sorry?” Loki frowned.

“You're'n't'a Dwarf!” Was the repeated reply.

“No,” Loki said. “I'm Aesir.”

“Pah,” the Dwarf huffed and looked away. Loki glance around before trying again.

“Please, I really _must_ get this made-” The Dwarf gave him a glare. 

“Scoot,” the Dwarf snapped.

“If you could just give me directions-”

“ _Scoot_!”

“Fine, fine...” Loki rolled his eyes and walked away, tugging at his hood. He looked around a bit more and finally sighed and sat down on a bench outside of a shop, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Now what?_

“Whati'cha looka'fir?” A voice said. Loki looked up and saw a Dwarf standing there, looking down at him, blinking at him with

“Sorry?” Loki said, frowning.

“Whatha. Lookin'. Fir?” The Dwarf repeated, slowing down and looking at him with some impatience.

“A craftsman,” Loki said.

“Wha'fir?” the Dwarf asked, blinking at him.

“I need-” Loki sighed. “I need hair spun from gold.”

The Dwarf blinked at him again before smiling, revealing pointed teeth. “Yi'gon want Brokk,” he said. “Bes'craffa'roun'.”

“Who? Brokk?” Loki asked. The Dwarf nodded. “Where is he?”

“Folla meh.” The Dwarf turned and started to walk off. Loki got up and chased after, having to run to keep up. “Keep up, Ah'sir.”

Loki kept up as best he could and said “What's your name?”

“Nabbi,” the Dwarf replied.

“It's a pleasure,” Loki said, huffing between breaths. “Could you slow down, please?”

“Na.”

Thought not, Loki thought and kept on as best he could. The houses were made from some sort of metal that reflected the moonlight, making things a little brighter. Every now and then, they passed a smith of some sort, and he felt the heat of the forges. After a few more minutes of walking and running behind, Nabbi stopped and said “Heh'we're.”

Loki stopped and breathed heavily for a minute, catching his breath, looking up at the door. “Brokk lives here?”

“Mhm,” Nabbi said.

The Dwarf walked to the door and rapped on the door softly, three times. A few moments later, the door opened and a Dwarf looked out at Nabbie. “Hm?”

“He wan'gol'hair,” Nabbie said, nodding back at Loki. Brokk raised his eyebrows and looked past Nabbi at Loki, who shifted.

“Ah'sir?” Brokk said, looking at Nabbi. Nabbi nodded, once, and Brokk made a “ooh” noise, nodding. “Thank'y.”

“Ta.” Nabbi bounced on the balls of his feet before running off. Brokk then turned to Loki, looking him up and down with narrowed eyes.

“Take off your hood, Aesir,” Brokk said, voice soft. Loki blinked and did as he was told. Brokk nodded and turned “Come in; I have had dealings with Aesir before.” He moved aside to let Loki in. Loki glanced around before pulling his hood back up as he walked up the stairs, into the house.

The house was small in size; there was a table with some chairs and what looked like a sofa with pillows and blankets thrown on it. There was a small kitchen with a fireplace and a door leading somewhere. On the other side of the room, there was another door. Brokk went to the kitchen and said “Please, sit,” before indicating one of the chairs at the table. Loki perched himself on the edge and Brokk came back with a drink. He set it down in front of Loki and looked at him expectantly. Loki glanced at the drink and picked it up, placing the cup to his lips. He pretended to take a little sip, then put the cup back down. Brokk looked satisfied and sat across as Loki wiped his lips with his sleeve.

“I understand you want gold hair?” It was a question, but Loki guessed Brokk was more asking why he wanted it, rather than if he was correct.

“Yes,” Loki said. “Gold hair that can act like real hair, and can be attached to a head.”

Brokk nodded thoughtfully, hands fiddling with some silver wires and glass beads. “We can do that. For a price, of course.”

“What would your price be?” Loki asked, brightening.

“How much do you have?” Brokk asked. Loki gave him a thin-lipped smile. And didn't reply. Brokk watched him for a moment, then stroked his chin in thought. “Let me think... Gold hair... How long?”

“Er...” Loki thought. “One-twenty-two centimeters?”

Brokk nodded. “Plus the magic... It would come out to...” He plucked a small leatherbound book from the kitchen counter and narrowed his eyes. “One tokmo equals two Aesir...” He mumbled indistinguishably. He scribbed for a few moments before saying “It would come out to a minimum of five-hundred Aesir Gold pieces.”

“Oh.” Loki's heart sank.

Brokk put the book away and said calmly “However, your head would do as a substitute.”

Loki looked up slowly and blinked at him. “What?”

“Your head,” Brokk replied, matter-of-factly. “It would fetch a nice price; it's not often that an Aesir will trade their head.”

Loki just blinked a few more times. “You want my  _head_ ? As in...” He slit a finger across his throat, and the Dwarf nodded.

“Yes,” Brokk said simply. “That is my final offer. Do we have a deal, or not?”

Loki simply blinked at him for a few more minutes before saying “How long would it take to make the hair?”

“Mm,” Brokk considered. “Four days, perhaps three.”

The door opened suddenly and another Dwarf walked in. “You'll'n't'bliv'wha'happn'd!”

“Eitri, we've a guest,” Brokk said. He turned to Loki and said “This is my brother, Eitri.”

“Hmph.” Eitri went over to the sofa and flopped down on it

“Eitri, we've been commissioned,” Brokk said. Eitri looked up and said “Hmm?”

“No, wait, not yet,” Loki said indignantly. “I don't know if you know this, but Aesir- You want my _head_? ”

“Yes,” Brokk said, blinking. “And? Have we a deal or not, Aesir?”

Loki's stared at him in disbelief, wondering if Brokk was joking. When it became clear he wasn't, Loki said “Give me a couple of minutes to consider, okay?”

“Of course,” Brokk said, standing. “Take all the time you need.” He had made a bracelet out of the wire and beads that had been on the table, and he brought it over to Eitri.

So Loki thought, legs crossing under him, elbows resting on his knees. Oh. He could get out of this. Finally, he smiled and said “I accept. When should I return here?”

“Five days,” Brokk said, standing. “We will expect payment when you return and are satisfied with the results. Eitri, light the forges and heat the gold. We've work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know the Dwarves are unusual, but it occurred to me that in Norse mythology, the Dwarves live underground, so I figured their Realm would be dark. And if their Realm is dark, clearly they would have had to adapt to their surroundings.
> 
> So yeah, we've got weird Dwarves. If you're having a hard time imagining them, picture them as Gollum from Lord of the Rings, except upright on two legs instead of crawling around on all fours.
> 
> Dwarves don't have a sense of age, gender/sex, or death. So, for Dwarves, trading your head is a perfectly good thing to do. They just, like, grow new ones. They don't really understand that other races can't do this, and they have no regard for creatures that aren't Dwarves. But if you ARE a Dwarf, they'll treat you like family, even if you're a stranger. So, Brokk doesn't really know that Loki's only a kid, because Dwarves don't have a concept of age. He just knows Loki's an Aesir who wants to make a deal, so he treats Loki like he would any other Aesir.
> 
> If you have any other questions about the Dwarves, I invite you to ask me on [my tumblr](http://thelaughingwholock.tumblr.com), or leave a comment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki fucks up and the Dwarves sew his lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.
> 
> Okay, so this chapter has a lot of gore in it (hence the rating for depictions of violence), so if that stuff really bothers you, just scroll to the bottom and I'll explain what happens there, okay?

Five days came and went, and Loki avoiding generally everyone, splitting his time between his rooms and the library. Frigga had invited him to dine with her several times, yet he had declined, knowing that Thor was probably going to be invited as well. She had done it before when they had been in some argument, and though she probably knew the situation with Sif's hair by now, she didn't know the real reason as to why Loki was avoiding Thor. He hadn't seen his brother in the past six days, and that was as Loki wanted it. He left the palace undetected and made for Nidavellir.

“Ah,” Brokk said when he arrived. “Welcome back, Aesir. Come and see if the product is to your liking.”

Brokk led the way into the forge and Loki followed, pulling his hood down as he walked. Eitri was sitting at a workbench, long fingers sewing a belt with silver wire and golden beads. Loki watched for a second, then turned as Brokk said “Here it is.”

He held the length of hair in his hands. Loki's eyes narrowed and he peered closer. It was clearly made of gold, and it was more beautiful than the hair Sif had lost, glittering like the purest gold it was in the forge's light. He reached out, then hesitated, looking up at the Dwarf. “May I?”

“Yes,” Brokk said. Loki reached out again and touched it. It was soft and fine, and flowed through his fingers, He fingered a strand and tugged experimentally, and found that it had about the same consistency of real hair. He held up the strand and Brokk said “It is to your liking?”

“Yes,” Loki breathed, transfixed. “It's _magnificent_.”

“I know,” Brokk said. “Eitri, get an axe ready.”

“What?” Loki looked up as Brokk pulled the hair away, wrapping it in brown paper.

“The axe,” Brokk said as Eitri got up and grabbed an axe off the wall. “For your payment.”

“Oh, right,” Loki said. He looked at the ground and said “I've promised you my head, yes?”

“Yes,” Eitri said, getting closer.

“But not my neck,” Loki said. Eitri paused and blinked at him. Loki grinned a little. “I'm rather fold of my neck, actually. I'll keep my promise, however; you may have my head. You simply cannot take any of my neck with it.”

“ _What_?” Brokk looked furious. “Impossible!”

“You can't take my neck!” Loki repeated, trying and failing to keep the glee out of his voice. “It wasn't ever promised to you. I'll give you an hour or so to figure out how you wish to do detach it, but then I have to leave.”

Brokk snarled at him and reached out, quick a lightning. He grabbed Loki's arm in a tight, firm grip, and Loki yelped in surprise. “Hey! What are you-” He carried Loki to a trapdoor and threw him in, shutting it behind him. “Hey! Let me out! Let me out!” Loki banged against the trapdoor, trying to push it up, but there wasn't any give.

There was no response, so Loki sighed and settled down, cross-legged on the floor. The cellar was very dark, and not very warm. It was only about five feet deep, but quite long. He created a small ball of fire in his hands and sat down, closing his eyes and humming, then drawing patterns in the dirt. It didn't take him very long to get bored.

What seemed like days later, the trapdoor opened again and Loki crawled out. “Thank the Norns, I thought you'd leave me in there forev-”

“You are a deceiver,” Brokk growled.

“Am I?” Loki said, raising his eyebrows.

“You lied to us, word-smith,” Eitri growled. Loki shifted on his feet.

“I didn't, I merely said-”

“There is no way to detach a head from the neck without harming it!” Brokk snarled. “You are a deceiver, a word-smith, and you _will_ pay for your false promise!”

Before Loki could say anything, Brokk grabbed him and forced him to his knees, holding his arms painfully behind his back. “What are you doing?” Loki asked, fearfully, eyes going wide. Brokk bound his arms in what felt like rope, and neither Dwarf replied.

Eitri moved to the workbench and hummed softly and moved something around, snipping something. Loki watched, trembling, until Eitri turned again and knelt in front of Loki, sitting back on his heels. A long, sharp silver needle was clutched between his thumb and forefinger, threaded with a thin black strip of leather. Loki suddenly realized what they were going to do and cried out in fear, struggling to escape, but Brokk's hold was firm.

“No! No! Don't, I- Help! Someone help!” Loki screamed as Eitri knotted the end of the leather. “Heimdall, help me!” Brokk grabbed his hair and yanked his head back, making Loki cry out again. Eitri placed his hand around Loki's jaw, keeping it in place. “Please, please, _don't_ \- Father! Father, help! Thor!” He tried to bite Eitri as the needle came closer to his face and Eitri frowned at him before trying again, squeezing Loki's jaw tighter. Loki struggled again, breathing hard, tears of terror forming in his eyes as he trembled. The needle was pushed through his bottom lip and he gasped, voice catching in his throat as tears spilled over.

As Etri worked, Loki's screams and pleas and cries for help filled the room, slowly becoming more muffled until they stopped completely, Loki simply crying, noises of pain barely heard. Eitri finished and knotted off the end before letting go of Loki's jaw and standing, wiping the needle off with a cloth. Brokk let go of Loki's hair and stood, Loki collapsing to the floor limply, eyes squeezed shut. A few minutes later, he felt one of them dragging him by the collar and forcing him back into the cellar, locking him in.

Loki remained where he was, unsure of how much time was passing, his world a mix of pain and the dark. His arms were still tied behind his back, and at some point he vaguely realized he was hungry and desperately thirsty. He was in too much pain to think of a way out, too hungry to focus, and too thirsty to care.

It seemed like years later that the trapdoor opened and hands reached for him. Loki whimpered and tried to move away, but the white hands grabbed his collar and lifted him out, dragging him some ways. Loki's head hurt and everything was too bright and confusing and he was forced to his knees. He blinked slowly, only half conscious. He blinked a couple of times, sluggishly, and saw a pair of boots. Boots? They were gold. _Gold_ boots? His mind couldn't made sense of it. People were talking around him— Men's voices?—and then someone untied his arms. They fell limply to his sides, shoulders aching, every inch of him in agony. He moaned and pitched forwards, wanting to simply sleep...

And then he was being picked up. Strong arms went across his back and under his knees, and lifted him from the floor, a voice murmuring in his ear and he couldn't make sense of what they were saying, but that voice was familiar and he whimpered softly, burrowing weakly into the warmth. He closed his eyes and sighed.

When brightness suddenly hit him, Loki screamed, burrowing deeper, eyes squeezed shut. He couldn't open his mouth, so the scream simply tore at his throat, and the voice soothed him again as he trembled again. It was bright, too bright, but it was so, so  _warm_ , and wind breezed past him gently.  _Asgard,_ he thought distantly.  _I love Asgard._

It was quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being the soothing voice.  _Papa? Papa. Papa's here._

Loki opened his eyes, wincing at the light, then flinching at the pain from the stitches. He moaned softly and looked around; people were watching him, looking sickened. A few even ran off when they saw, and Loki's eyes burned with humiliation and he whined softly, breathing becoming quicker. Odin stopped and said gently, “Shh, my boy. You're safe. You're _safe_. Would you like to walk?”

Loki blinked up at his father, eyes unable to focus, before burrowing his face in Odin's shoulder, shaking his head as best he could. Odin continued to walk, and Loki heard retching somewhere. Is breathing hitched and Odin murmured “Ignore them. They do not matter now.” Loki nodded and stumbled along until they reached the Healing Rooms. Odin shifted Loki into a chair and said “Wait here; I'll be back in a moment.”

Loki sat and Odin walked off. People were staring at him and Loki blinked at his lap. He was covered in dirt and blood, and probably sweat and other bodily fluids. Someone gagged and Loki stood, looking around at everything in a haze, then turning and leaving. The halls were mostly empty, and he stumbled in the direction of his rooms, opening the door and leaning against it to close it behind him. He tripped and fell over and stayed on the ground for a moment, shuddering. He couldn't get up, he couldn't do it, he was going to die, here on the floor.

Finally, he crawled towards the bathroom, using the sink to help him to his feet. He didn't dare raise his eyes to the mirror, but fumbled around for a knife, or shears, or _anything_. He finally found a pair of shears and moved to sit on the toilet lid, but stumbled and fell to the floor again. He leaned against the wall instead, lifting the shears to his face. He touched the stitches and shakily cut one of them. He tugged and whimpered as the leather didn't move; his skin had tried to heal around it, and was scabbed. He tugged again and slowly, agonizingly, the leather came loose. He repeated the process, throwing the strips of leather away from him until he finished, tears and blood running down his face, unmoving until Frigga found him fifteen minutes later.

“Oh, my dear child,” she said and gathered him in her arms, onto her lap. She then turned to the guard standing by the bathroom door and said “Get Eir!”

“Thir'sy,” Loki whispered, voice cracking. “'M thir'sy.”

“Of course, my love, of course,” Frigga assured him, voice shaking. She waved a hand and summoned a glass, filling it with water and pressing it to his lips. He sipped slowly, relishing the relief it gave until Eir came, Odin at her heels. The glass was set down and Loki felt another glass press against is lips, and a warm liquid press against his lips. He opened his mouth and swallowed, tasting the familiarity of a sleeping potion, then sighed softly as darkness took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who skipped to here to skip the gore, Loki avoids everyone for five days, then goes back to Nidavellir to get the hair, which was magnificent, then told the Dwarves that they could have his head, but they couldn't take any of his neck. He then gave them an hour to figure out how to go about this, but when they couldn't do it, they sewed his lips shut and threw him into a cellar until Odin came and took him back to Asgard, leaving him in a chair in the Healing Rooms to go find Eir. Loki flees to his room and takes out the stitches himself, then Frigga finds him, gives him a cup of water, then Eir comes and gives Loki a sleeping potion. Loki blacks out, and so ends the chapter.
> 
> For those trying to read the series in chronological order, _Trust Me So_ Chapter 4 comes in around here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for a triggered flashback. It's only one sentence, in italics shortly after the third line beak. Loki gets a panic attack, then makes a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

When Loki came too, and it was clear she was going to be fine, Odin yelled at her. This was, of course, to be expected. Loki simply looked at the wall instead of at her father, Frigga sitting on the bed next to her, holding her hand as Odin paced.

“You _foolish_ boy!” Odin snapped. “You could have gotten yourself killed! Why did you even go there? Why was hair so _damn_ important that you promised them your _head_?”

Loki didn't reply, but blinked a few times, tears stinging her eyes. She swallowed as well and Odin continued “ _What_ could you have _possibly_ been thinking, boy? I hope you realize the trouble I had to go through in order to _find_ you, asking King Hreidmar permission to search Nidavellir?”

“ _Odin_ ,” Frigga hissed at the same moment Loki's breath hitched and she squeezed her eyes shut.

Odin sighed and murmured under his breath “What am I to do with you, my son?”

Loki swallowed again and whispered “I'm sorry, Father.” Odin sighed again and rubbed his eye. Frigga squeezed Loki's hand. Loki looked up at her father and whispered “What's my punishment to be?”

“You're not to leave the Realm for two centuries,” Odin said, not shouting, but still firm. “And from now on, you are to inform someone when you leave the palace, understand?”

“Yes, Father,” Loki said, voice cracking. “I understand.”

“Good.” Odin gave a short nod and left. Frigga sighed and stroked Loki's hair back.

“He's not truly angry, darling,” she told her. “He was very worried about you. We _both_ were.”

“I'm sorry,” Loki whispered again and Frigga pulled her into an embrace.

“We're just glad you're safe,” she said gently. Loki laid back again and Frigga hissed her forehead. “Get some rest. I'll be back a little later, okay? I'll bring you some books.”

Loki nodded and whispered “Thank you, Mother.”

Frigga smiled and left. Loki shifted her gaze to the ceiling and stared at it for a few minutes before closing her eyes. She was in a private room, a curtain in front of the door, and not allowed to get up unless it was to use the bathroom. A glass of water and a pitcher stood on the bedside table, along with a vase of small white and big purple flowers. There was a window, and the curtains were pulled back, so sunlight spilled over Loki's bed. She had been there for a day already, according to Frigga. She had been Brokk and Eitri's prisoner for a week. _No one noticed she had been missing for a week_.

At least Thor hadn't been there. He would have probably laughed himself stupid at her current condition. There were small holes in her upper and lower lips, and though they were, according to Eir, already beginning to heal, they would undoubtedly leave scars.

At least, for now, Loki was alone. She turned back into her female form and settled down, closing her eyes. A few moments later, she had fallen asleep.

* * *

Loki remained a female until he was discharged from Eir's care, two weeks later. He hadn't spoken to anyone, other than to answer Eir or Frigga's questions, but even then they were mostly yes/no questions, so he didn't have to speak that often. Odin hadn't come back to visit him, and Thor hadn't even said hello. It hurt; he would have thought Thor would have at least come to stay a moment.

“...And you're _sure_ there's no pain anywhere?” Eir asked. Loki sighed and nodded, resisting the urge to roll his eyes for about the fourth time that day. Eir looked over his health chart and nodded. “Very well, Loki. You may go.”

Loki got up, thanked her softly, and left quickly for his bedroom, hoping he wouldn't bump into Thor, or anyone else; he hadn't been able to look at his spell books, so he hadn't figured out how to use a glamour to hide the scars lining his lips.

No such luck.

He turned a corner and stopped dead. Thor had been walking towards him, and he also stopped. Thor blinked at him and said in surprise “Loki!”

Loki looked at him warily, glancing around. There was no one else there, so he looked back at his brother. Thor took a few steps closer and Loki's eyes widened. Thor's eyes flicked to the scars and Loki flushed, looking away as he hunched his shoulders. They stood in an awkward silence until Thor said “I, ah... didn't know you were let out of Eir's care.”

_Obviously,_ Loki wanted to say, but he remained silent. Thor nodded, then walked off, the awkwardness unresolved. Loki continued on his way until he reached his room, bolting the door behind him. _I've_ got _to learn teleportation,_ he thought to himself as he looked around his helves. He finally found the book of glamours he had been searching for, and flipped through until he found the right one. He had preformed it before, but it had been some time. He quickly got the hang of it again and pulled the glamour up, looking in the mirror. The scars were gone now, and with a sigh, he put the book back on the shelf, walking into his bedroom.

On the bed, he spotted a brown package, a note laying on top. Loki frowned at it and walked over, stopping in front of it. He picked up the note and scanned it.

_**Since you went to the trouble** _ **.**

He blinked at it, then put it aside, looking down at the package. It was tied with simple packaging string; there was nothing truly remarkable about it. With a sigh, he undid the knot and lifted aside the wrappings. He then gasped and stepped back, hands covering his mouth.

It was the hair, as ethereally beautiful as it had been when he'd first glimpsed it. He looked around, then wrapped it back up, tying the knot as best he could with trembling hands. When he finished, he picked it up and went to go find Sif.

* * *

Sif was sitting by herself in the gardens, shirt hair trimmed nicely and pushed back with a bow on the top of her head. Loki walked over to her and she glanced up.

“Loki?” She said, blinking at him. “What're you doing here?”

He held out the package simply. She looked at it and he shook it slightly, indicating she should take it. When she didn't, he sighed and opened it, revealing the length of hair. Her eyes widened.

“Is that... Is that what you went to Nidavellir for?” She asked, eyes widening. Loki nodded once and held it out again. She took it and ran her fingers over it. “Can it attach?” Again, Loki nodded and she muttered “Oh, I see... It's like a wig...” She put it on and jumped, saying “Oh!” Loki blinked at her and she tugged the hair. It was attached to her head like real hair. She stroked it and said softly “It's beautiful, Loki. Thank you.”

He only nodded and turned, walking a bit always before Sif screamed. He whipped around in time to see the golden hair turn a dark color, from the roots down to the ends. “Get it off! Get it off!” She shouted.

Loki walked back and tugged at it. She winced and said “Ow!” It was her hair. Truly, really her hair. Just... black. He blinked before realizing what had happened.

The Dwarfs had cursed it somehow, had done something to it as revenge. There was nothing Loki could do, so he backed away as she began to scream at him. His eyes widened and he backed away more, looking around fearfully, but thankfully no one else seemed to be around. When she finally stopped, he glared at her with loathing in his eyes and snarled “I didn't steal your hair, Sif, but I wish I knew who had; I would very much like to thank them for their service.”

He turned and fled, not waiting for a reply.

* * *

“Hey, Loki!” Loki turned at the sound of Fandral's voice. Unsurprisingly, Hogun and Volstagg were behind him. Loki glanced up at them in acknowledgment, then returned to his book. “What are you up to lately?”

Loki gave a half-shrug and Fandral grinned. “Mind if we join you?” Loki nodded, glaring slightly, but they ignored him, sitting down. “What's that?”

He was holding a book on nonverbal magic and Fandral read the cover aloud. He then looked at Loki and said “Honestly, Loki; you cannot _not_ speak forever.”

“Why not?” Volstagg said, grinning. “Hogun does it all the time!”

“Yeah, but even _Hogun_ speaks every so often,” Fandral said.

_As do I,_ Loki thought, huffing. _You just never pay any attention._ He went back to his book and Fandral said “So... Would you like to train with us today?”

Loki shook his head and Volstagg said “Oh, why not?” And ruffled a hand through his hair.

_A hand grabbing his hair, yanking his head back, a flash of silver, the metallic tang of blood filling his mouth, running down his face-_ Loki choked and scrambled backwards, eyes wide in terror. The others looked confused and Fandral stood. “Loki? What's the matter?” Loki shook his head and ran without direction, anywhere to get away from them.

He ended up in the back corner of an empty stall in the stables, knees drawn up to his chest, shaking and crying as he hugged himself. _It's not real, it's not real, it's not real,_ he desperately tried telling himself. _You're safe, no one can get you here, they can't reach you, you're okay, you're okay..._

“Are you alright?”

Loki curled tighter on himself, squeezing his eyes shut, shuddering as he held back a sob. “Hey, hey, you're okay, you're alright.” Whoever it was came into the stall and sat down next to him. “Remember to breath, yeah?”

Loki took a gasp of breath, deeply breathing in. he held it for a few moments, then let it out in a rush before repeating. A few minutes later, he had stopped crying. When he looked up, he saw a boy sitting next to him, slouching against the wall and looking at him with big, concerned blue eyes. “You okay?”

Loki nodded and the boy said “That's good. Want an apple?” He pulled one out of his bag and held it out. “They're technically for the horses, but... Well, what's one apple?” He pulled out another and rubbed it against his shirt. “Or two. No one'll notice.”

He bit into his apple, juice running down his arm. His hair was a coppery red, pulled back into a ponytail at the base of his neck. He was simply dressed in a white tunic that was rolled up to his elbows, brown leggings, and boots. He glanced at Loki and grinned a little, shaking the apple a bit. “Do you want it, or not? My arm's getting tired,” he joked.

Loki blinked at the freckled face, then slowly accepted the fruit, rubbing it on his shirt. As he did so, the boy said “I'm Svaldifari, by the way. Sveinson. The Stable Master.”

Loki nibbled on the apple, nodding. Svaldifari looked at him sideways and said “You don't talk a lot, do you?”

He got a shrug in response. Svaldifari shrugged. “That's okay. At least tell me your name, though.”

Loki blinked a couple of times. Then, he whispered “Loki. Odinson. The King of Asgard.”

Svaldifari looked at him with wide eyes for a minute, then burst into laughter, throwing his head back. Loki stared at him until he calmed down and said, still giggling a little, “Oh, I like you already.”

“Svaldifari!” A voice shouted suddenly. “Where are you?”

“Shh!” Svaldifari hissed, even though Loki hadn't said anything. “That's my father! I'm supposed to be cleaning this stall, but he'll never think to look for me here.”

Loki grinned as the angry voice got farther and farther away. Svaldifari got up and peered over the side of the stall before saying “I think he's gone. C'mon, let's get out of here before he finds us.”

He offered a hand to Loki and Loki hesitated. “Oh, c'mon! I could do with the company.”

Finally, Loki accepted the hand, and Svaldifari hauled him to his feet. The two walked off, still munching on their apples, and Svaldifari said “You can call be Svald, if you want. Svaldifari's kinda long, so no one uses it except Father when he's not happy with me.”

“Svaldifari!” Svein suddenly found them and Svald swore.

“Run!” He grabbed Loki's arm and the two of them ran in the opposite direction, the Stable Master running after them. Loki soon took the lead and they ran into the palace, ducking behind a statue. Once the coast was clear, Svald laughed again. “That was great! Where next?”

Loki thought, then beckoned him and walked off. Svald followed and Loki led him through the halls as Svald talked about the weather and the chores he'd have to get done later. Loki listened and led the way to the tower, which he unlocked with a wave of his hand. Svald went silent to watch the magic and said “That's interesting. I've never seen magic done like that before.”

Loki frowned in confusion and Svald clarified “Silently like that. It's strange. I mean, in a good way!” He hastily added when Loki looked down, hurt. “It's really fascinating! How, uh, how does it work? Magic, I mean.”

Loki's eyes lit up and he sat down on one of the benches in the tower. “It's hard to explain,” he whispered. “Easier to do. Seidr is in everyone, but if you want to be able to control it properly, you've got to maintain it and use it regularly.” He thought and then said “Like a horse, almost.”

“Oh,” Svald nodded in understanding “You have to take care of it and exercise it?”

Loki nodded vigorously. “It's hard work,” he said, “but in the end, it's worth it,”

“Also like a horse,” Svald said, grinning. “Interesting. Do I have magic? I mean, seidr?”

“Mhm,” Loki nodded. “Not strong, since you don't use it regularly. You'd have to start simple.”

“Oh.” Svald went quiet. “You know, you're somehow _different_ from what I expected.”

Loki's shoulders slumped. “Not in a bad way!” Svald assured him quickly. “You're better. Nice, even. I like you.” Loki looked at him, genuinely surprised, and Svald grinned. “What? I'm here, aren't I?” He nudged Loki's shoulder gently and winked at him. The corner of Loki's mouth twitched up and Svald swung his legs a bit. “Do you think... Could you show me some more?”

Loki nodded and lifted his hands to his mouth, whispering words into them. He then walked over to the balcony, Svald following, and threw something. A bird flew off and Svald grinned. “Amazing!” Loki smiled at him and Svald leaned against the banister and said “Magic's fascinating. I've seen the Healers use it; there was this accident when I was younger that I broke my arm. It took a couple of weeks, but it was healed fast.” He went quiet for a minute, smile fading a bit. “Could you... Would you teach me?”

Loki looked up at him sharply and he added “Only if you want, of course; I don't want to waste your time.”

“Do you mean it?” Loki asked quietly. Svald nodded vigorously.

“I want to learn,” he said. “So... Will you?”

“If you like,” Loki said after a few minutes.

“Wh- Really?” Svald's eyes lit up. Loki nodded and Svald grinned at him toothily. “Great! When do we start?”

Loki tilted his head and hummed, considering. Then, he turned and sat down on the ground. He patted the floor next to him and Svald walked over to sasit across. “Hold out your hands palm up,” Loki whispered. Svald did so and Loki placed his hands under, cradling his. Svald shuddered and Loki smiled. “Feel that? That tingling?” Svald nodded. “Close your eyes and focus on that; it's your seidr.” Svald's face lit up again, but he closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side.

“It feels warm,” he said thoughtfully. “Like I'm dipping my hands in warm water.”

“ _Focus_ ,” Loki whispered. “Clear your mind.” He pressed Svald's hands to the boy's knees and murmured “Let it flow through you. Let it fill you to the brim, let it warm you.” Loki took his hands off Svald's.

Svald hummed and frowned. “Is it supposed to have a color?”

“The color varies,” Loki replied. “Now _focus_. Let it consume you.”

Svald nodded and took a deep breath. A few minutes later, he mumbled “'M tired.”

“Open your eyes,” Loki said. Svald did so and blinked at him, indeed looking tired, but he looked happy enough. “How do you feel?”

Svald thought. “Relaxed, I suppose,” he said. “What was that, anyway?”

“Lesson one,” Loki said, smirking as he stood. “Meditation.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we've reached Svaldifari Sveinson. I hope you guys like him; his name comes from the Norse mythology character Svaðilfari, who was Sleipnir's horse father in the myths. I changed around the letters a bit, and clearly he's not a horse.
> 
> Also yes; Loki changes gender in the beginning of this chapter. I said before, I've had very little experience in writing Loki as genderfluid, so feedback would be great.
> 
> Thank you to those who left comments and kudos! I realize I haven't been thanking you, which is wrong because I really do appreciate it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleipnir happens. Loki shows Svald the pond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

As the weeks passed, Loki continued to teach Svaldifari in the evenings. The lessons went well, and Svald was a good student, practicing when he got the chance, so it wasn't long before Loki began to teach him basic illusions, like butterflies and small animals. Svald could do small illusions easily, but struggled with bigger, more complex ones, like people. Loki brought a book on basic illusions for him for a little more guidance. Weeks turned into months, and months into years, and yet Svald never once gave up. Loki began to speak a little bit more, trying not to give too much of himself away.

“How did you start doing magic?” Svald asked after one particularly difficult lesson, involving trying to make an illusion of himself. Loki thought about it.

“I started a while ago,” she replied. “About... I don't know, two-hundred years ago? Young. I was just looking around and I stumbled upon that book on illusions I gave you.” She shrugged. “Mostly taught myself. It was hard at first; I wasn't very patient.”

“And you are now?” Svald asked. Loki gave him A Look.

“One does not simply be the brother of Thor and _not_ learn patience,” she said and Svald laughed.

“Fair point. I'm guessing he does a lot of reckless things?” Svald guessed, still giggling.

“All the time,” Loki said, rolling her eyes. She fell quiet, thinking. “We haven't spoken much.” She looked down at the ground and rubbed at a bit of dirt on her boot with her other foot. “I mostly avoid him.”

Svald frowned. “Why?”

Loki shrugged listlessly, not replying. Svald didn't push him and they remained in silence.

“Hey!” Svald said, suddenly looking up. “One of our mares, Navrra, just gave birth this morning. The foal's crippled, though; his legs are tangled up. Father says he's won't be able to be of any use.”

Loki looked up, eyes wide. “He's going to...?”

“Shoot him?” Svald nodded gloomily. “Yeah.”

Loki stood and walked to the door. Svald looked up and followed, saying “Where're you going?”

Loki didn't reply, but kept going, heading to the stables. Svald followed and said “He's in here.” He opened the stall door and Loki slipped in, bending towards the lame foal. He was pure white with cobalt colored eyes and Loki breathed “He's _beautiful_.”

“Yeah, I know,” Svald said, toeing at some straw on the ground. Loki bit er lip and then placed her hands on the foal's legs. The foal whined and the dam looked up, huffing at Loki and eying him warily.

“It's okay,” Loki murmured, stroking his smooth coat. “Hello, there.”

“Oh, Norns,” Svald moaned, looking up at the ceiling. “Don't _bond_ with him; it'll only make it worse.”

“Hello,” Loki repeated softly, smiling and ignoring Svald. She stroked the foal's nose and said “Shh. It's okay. I won't hurt you. Let me help.”

“You can heal him?” Svald said, suddenly brightening. Loki looked back at him.

“I can try,” she said. He turned back to the foal and moved so she could touch the foal's legs. She then murmured a few words and skimmed her hands over the legs, not quite touching them. The foal began to glow and Svald stumbled back. Loki continued and the foal went brighter and brighter until Svald had to cover his eyes.

“Loki, stop! You're scaring Navrra!”

Loki slowed, and the light dimmed. When Svald could finally see again, he looked down at the foal. His eyes widened. “Oh. _That's_ not good.”

Loki blinked down at her work, mouth slightly open in bewilderment. Finally, the shout of “What in Helheim do you two think you're— _What_ in the name of _Yggdrasil_.”

Svald's father, Svein, stood in the doorway to the stall, staring at the now eight-legged foal. The foal, on the other hand, appeared enthusiastic about this new development. He scrambled to his feet and Loki stood, watching him. Navrra stood as well, nudging her foal in concern.

“Father?” Svald asked after a moment, not taking his eyes off the horses.

“Yes, Svald?” The man asked, looking dumbfounded.

“Can we keep him?” Svein blinked slowly before turning to look at his son.

“What?”

“Can we keep him?” Svald asked. “ _Please_?”

Svein blinked again and opened his mouth, looking from Svald to Loki. Finally, he sighed and rubbed his eyes, turning and leaving the stall. “Father?”

“He's your responsibility,” Svein finally called and Svald shouted “ _YES_!”

Loki grinned and stroked the foal. Svald turned excitedly and said “What should we call him? Asmund? Bjartr? Vigi?”

“Sleipnir,” Loki said, still stroking him.

Svald paused, then grinned. “I like it! Sleipnir it is.” He walked over and held his hand out, palm down for the foal to nuzzle. “Hey, Slip. We're gonna take care of you, okay?”

* * *

 Taking care of Sleipnir was harder than either of them had anticipated.

Not at first; at first he was a perfectly normal horse, the only difference being that he had eight legs. But it soon became clear that he wouldn't let any other handlers close to him, so only Svald and Loki could feed and brush him. So, Loki spent half of his times at his lessons, and half with Sleipnir, as well as fitting in time to teach Svald how to use magic.

And yet, Loki found that he'd never been happier.

He still refused to speak to anyone, but after a few years, people were considering the fact that he might never speak again. He still, of course, spoke to Svald, but Svald was the only one who paid attention, so that hardly mattered. Others came up with theories stating that maybe the Dwarves had taken out his voice. Another theory said that Loki thought he was just better than all of them. Loki neither confirmed nor denied any of these statements, so they just continued.

Loki sat at his desk, writing out a note when someone knocked on his door. He looked up and waved a hand at it so it opened, and Thor stood there awkwardly. Loki stopped writing and glanced up, frowning.

“Hello, Loki,” his brother said, shuffling. “May I come in?”

Loki nodded slowly and Thor walked in. “I was, um, wondering if you'd take lunch with me?”

Loki blinked at him, still frowning. Then, he shook his head slowly. Thor's face fell and Loki grabbed a notebook, scribbling for a moment before ripping the page out and handing it over to Thor. Thor read it and said “You're going to the springs?” He frowned. “The one we found as kids?”

Loki nodded and grabbed the page back, writing. He handed it back and Thor read it. “You... Want me to tell father you've gone? And that I know where?” Loki nodded. “Why?” Loki huffed and wrote something else just as there was another knock at the door. Loki waved his hand at the door again and Svald walked in, grinning and saying “Hey, Loki, my father let me get off early today, so I was wondering if- Oh. Hello, Thor.”

“Who are you?” Thor frowned.

“Call me Svald,” he replied, then blew a few strands of hair out of his face, before huffing and pushing it behind his ear. He turned back to Loki and said “Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to do stuff now instead of later?”

“Mhm,” Loki said, nodding. He motioned for Svald to come closer, and when they other was closer, Loki whispered in his ear “Tell Thor that the reason is because I'm supposed to tell someone when I'm leaving the palace grounds, but I don't want people to know about the place, since only we know about it.”

Svald blinked at Loki for a minute, then shook his head, grinning, and repeated the message for Thor. Thor stared at Loki with an open mouth, but before he could say anything, Loki grabbed Svald's arm and dragged him out of the room.

“So what are we doing today?” Svald asked as he and Loki walked through the gardens. “You _did_ say we would begin on elemental magic soon.”

“We will,” Loki said, nodding. “But there's something I want to show you.”

Svald followed him to a tree and Loki said “Can you climb?”

“Well enough,” Svald shrugged.

“Good. Follow me.” Loki climbed almost catlike up the tree. Svald followed, a bit slower, but Loki paused and waited for him, patient as ever. Loki then climbed onto the wall separating the grounds from the forest. Svald paused and said “Loki, where are we going?”

Loki just grinned, walking along the wall. Svald followed, careful not to fall over, but kept pestering him. He didn't reply, just kept walking until they reached another tall tree. Loki jumped into it and Svald followed. They climbed down and Loki led the way to a clearing that had pond with a waterfall. Svald blinked and looked around, finally quieting. “Where are we?”

“A secret place,” Loki replied, sitting by the water and peering in. “Thor and I found it when we were children.” Svald went over and peered over the edge as well, finding lots of fish meandering around. He grinned and sat next to Loki, putting his hand in. They scattered and he giggled, trying to catch one. Loki took his arm and said “Just keep still for a few minutes.”

Svald did as he was told and kept his hand in one place, unmoving. Slowly, the fish returned, a few even bumping curiously into his hand. He grinned up at Loki in delight and then looked back down before moving his hand and scattering them again. Loki grinned as well and pulled his shoes off.

“What are you doing?” Svald asked, frowning at him.

“Today's lesson,” Loki said, pulling his socks and shirt off, “is water magic.” Svald blinked at him and watched until Loki was left in his underclothes. Loki then walked off a bit, then ran, jumping into the water with an almighty splash, soaking Svald. He came up again, pushing his hair out of his face, and Svald spluttered indignantly. Loki laughed and splashed him again. “Take your shoes off and get in! It's warm.”

Svald huffed at him, more annoyed than angry. He took his shoes off and and slipped in, finding that the water was, in fact, quite warm. He dunked his head under and said “Now what?”

“Watch me.” Loki skimmed his hands over the water, not touching it, and murmuring a few words. He then put his hand under the water, and when he pulled it back up, he had a perfect orb of water in his hands. “This is what we'll be practicing. The spell is supposedly a fairly easy one; however I had a bit of a difficult time with it. Still, everyone is different.” He let the orb go and water seeped through his fingers. He then began to explain the spell in simple terms. Svald followed along and dipped his hand under the water, focusing herd. When he brought his hand up, the water simply spilled through his fingers. His face fell and he looked up at Loki.

“Don't give up,” Loki said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “This is just a test day to see what your strengths are.”

“What's yours?” Svald asked, looking up. Loki grinned.

“Fire,” he said. “Probably why it took so long for me to successfully manipulate water.”

Svald nodded and set his jaw, a determined looked in his eyes. He put his hand under the water and murmured the spell again, focusing. He lifted his hand again, slower this time, and brought up a tiny orb of water. He looked up at Loki, a look of excitement on his face.

“Look!” He said. “Look, I did it! I did-” The orb collapsed in his hands and he looked at it, making a noise of disappointment.

“No, no,” Loki assured him. “That's good! Certainly quicker than _I_ got it. It took me _months_ go get to that point.” He pushed his hair back from his face again. “I guess your element is water. You'll probably be good with air manipulation as well; they're usually paired together.”

They continued with the lesson until Svald was nearly falling asleep, then climbed out of the water. Loki took off his wet shirt and flopped to the ground, sighing as he warmed in the sun. Svald blinked at him and Loki closed his eyes. Svald soon joined him and said “Do you come to this place often?”

Loki hummed. “Thor and I used to come to get away from people, but I think he's mostly forgotten about it now. I still come when I need to get away from people, but my father's forbidden me from leaving the palace grounds without telling someone where I am. I still want this place to be a secret, though.”

Svald turned his head to look at him. “Why'd you bring me, then?”

“That's different,” Loki said, eyes still closed. “You're the only person I _like_.”

“What, you don't like anyone else?” Svald grinned. Loki sighed.

“Let me rephrase that,” he said. “You're the only person I like who truly _likes me back_.”

Svald pursed his lips and looked at the sky. “What about your mother?”

Loki gave a huff. “Mother doesn't count. She's a mother. She likes me, but no one else really does.”

“I don't think that's true,” Svald said, pursing his lips. “You're quite likable.”

Loki let out a bark of humorless laughter. “Me? _Likable_? Says who?”

“Says me,” Svald said, grinning. “The one who likes you.”

Loki's wry smile faded and he opened his eyes. “Why _do_ you like me, Svald?”

“I dunno,” Svald shrugged. “You're funny. You're smart. You're a good listener.” He grinned and laughed softly. “You also have the best stories. And you teach me magic; I mean no one was ever going to do _that_. If I were a girl, sure, but if I walked up to someone and asked for lessons on magic, they'd just laugh and turn away. You didn't though. And besides, I don't have that many friends.” He paused then added “I did on Vanaheim, though.”

Loki turned his head to look at his friend, frowning. “You're from Vanaheim?”

“Mamma was,” Svald nodded. “Father's from here. He always talks about going back, though; he doesn't have any remaining family here other than me, but she still had hers. That's why he agreed to move there to be with her in the first place. We moved here when she died.”

“Oh.” Loki knew that Svald's mother had died only a century ago. He'd never asked about it, but had wondered sometimes. He wanted to ask, but, well, it simply wasn't something you could ask. They were silent for a few more moments, then Svald sighed.

“She died of illness,” he said softly and Loki stilled, listening. “But she'd been that way for a long time. She wasn't strong enough to teach me magic, but I watched her do it all the time. It drained her sometimes, and sometimes she couldn't do anything. It's a rare illness, usually genetic, I think. Chances of survival are very slim, and the medicine's expensive because it only comes from a few places, and treatment can be painful. Mamma refused treatment. Said she wanted to be with us as herself, not in pain and unable to do anything.”

Loki turned his head, opening his eyes. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn't know.”

Svald shrugged. “You couldn't have known. I didn't tell you, and Father's very quiet about it. It's okay.”

Loki nodded and sighed softly, looking up at the sky. “When do you want to go back?”

“What, home?” Svald shrugged. “Not yet. I've finished chores for the day. When do you?”

“Me?” Loki snorted. “Never.”

“Why not?” Svald asked. “I mean, I know you don't think anyone likes you, but Sif's gone now, so-”

“Wait, _what_?” Loki sat up, looking at his friend incredulously. “Since when?”

“Since about a month ago,” Svald said, blinking up at him. “I heard her parents sent her to a battle academy. Or maybe she wanted to go? Either way, she's not here.”

Loki blinked at him. “How did you hear about this?”

“Loki, I work in the stables,” Svald said. “She asked me to get her horse ready for her, and when I asked where she was going, she said 'a battle academy.' And I haven't seen her since, so I assume she got in.”

Loki was quiet for a few moments. “Any idea when she'll be back?”

“Well,” Svald said slowly, “Battle academies usually goes on for about a century, with breaks once a year to come home. She hasn't come back, though, even for Yuletide.”

“I wonder why,” Loki murmured, frowning and thinking.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I usually would have had this chapter up sooner, however I've been on tumblr all day trying to help out with all the hate that's been going around. I've set up a safe house blog, which you can find in my profile. Stay safe!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor loses and gets back Mjolnir.... With help from Loki. Also, what HAD Sif been doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Guilt. It was all Sif felt as she made her way towards the stables, all she had felt since Loki had stood before her with a split lip and a black eye and apologized for stealing her hair. _But why?_ She wanted to scream at him. _I know you didn't! You know you didn't! So why did you admit to it, you idiot?_ But of course she knew why; the evidence was there before her, and when Loki had returned from Nidavellir with black stitches across his lips, the shame had only become stronger, and clawed at her insides like a beast.

And so she'd had to get away. Her hair had grown a bit, after a few years; it now hung far past her shoulders when loose, but she usually kept it up in a ponytail to keep it out of her face. It had been a year since Loki had changed it, presumably by accident. She hadn't realized it at the time, but there was no reason to care about it now. Thor still treated her the same, but he often spoke of Loki, of how he worried about his brother. Even Sif had noticed that the second prince didn't speak to anyone and didn't tell stories at feasts anymore.

It was unfortunate, really, she thought; for all Loki's faults, he told the most interesting tales at feasts. She didn't know where he got the skill from, but until recently, a chair would be placed on top of the table, late in the night when it was time for songs and stories, and he would sit, cross legged and grinning. Sometimes the tales he told gently poked fun at people, never truly insulting them, and sometimes they were completely made up, but they were all genuinely interesting. She wasn't sure whether other people noticed he wasn't there, really; most were half or fully drunk by the time Loki told a story anyway. Yet Thor would still sometimes instinctively check his right side for Loki, only to rediscover he wasn't there.

Sif sighed as she reached the stables. The boy who worked there, she wasn't sure of his name, was sitting, hunched over a book. He glanced up, did a double take, and stood, blinking. “Lady Sif. How may I help you?”

“Please get Inka ready,” Sif said. “With a saddlebag as well.”

“Going somewhere?” He asked with an easy smile, flicking a stray bit of copper colored hair out of his eyes.

“A battle academy,” she said vaguely, looking around as he got her horse.

“Oh?” He said, raising his eyebrows. She nodded and hummed, not answering. When Inka was ready, she thanked him and took the reins, walking out of the stables before packing the saddlebag with some clothes and personal things; one wasn't supposed to take many things with them to a battle academy. She then mounted before pulling her plain brown cloak around her, tugging the hood up.

The journey took all day, and she rarely stopped, except to let Inka rest. It was nearly dark by the time she got there. She slid off Inka and let the stable boy take her before looking up at the grand entrance to the school. Then, with a deep breath, she walked forwards and knocked.

When it was opened, a man looked down at her, frowning. “May I help you, young lady?”

Sif straightened and frowned. “I am Sif, Daughter of Lord Ragundval. I have a meeting with Headmaster Haldulf.”

“Oh, yes,” the man said, looking at her in an amused sort of way. “We've been expecting you. Right this way, Lady Sif.”

She followed him, taking her hood down as she did so as she looked around. The hall was dark and slightly chilly and dark. Torches were lit and a few men gathered here and there, all of them staring at her as she passed. She glared back until they had the decency to look away, and continued to follow her guide.

“Right in here,” he said when they stopped. He knocked on the door and opened it. “Lady Sif is here, Headmaster.”

The door was held for her and she thanked him before walking in. The Headmaster was a tall man, burly, and intimidating, however, Sif had been surrounded by such men her whole life, so hhe merely smiled and said “Headmaster Haldulf. It's a pleasure to meet you in person.”

“And you, Lady Sif,” he said, nodding at her. “Please, sit.”

She graciously sat in the chair across from him and he poured her a cup of tea. “I hope your journey wasn't too exhausting?”

“It was fine, thank you,” she said, accepting the cup. “And I thank you also for seeing me.”

“Yes, yes,” the man said, looking a bit ridiculous as he sipped from his cup. “As I understand it, you wish to become a student here?”

“I do,” she said, nodding. He considered her for a moment.

“It is hard work,” he said at length. “And it takes a long time. Most of the students spend the Yuletide at home, but otherwise they're here full-time until they graduate. Are you sure this is something you want? People get cut out of the program if they don't work hard enough, or if they complain too much. I'm giving you a chance because I owe Lord Runval a favor.”

Sif sipped her tea. The program was a decade at a time, then you got the option to leave. If you stayed for the entire length, it went for sixty years. And it was true; people got cut if they couldn't keep up with the training. She sighed and said “I am willing to try.”

“You don't strike me as the kind of woman to like fighting,” he said. Sif's lips curled.

“I don't like _fighting_ , Headmaster,” she said. “ _Fighting_ is for children. Battle and swordsmanship are different matters altogether; I wish to develop and sharpen abilities to serve my Realm and King. If you are willing to teach, I am willing to learn.” The last was a line she had paraphrased from Loki, but he need not know that. The Headmaster looked faintly impressed.

“Very well, Lady Sif,” he said, standing and pulling out a contract. “As you are the only woman in this school right now, you make pick your own bed in the womens' quarters. And remember, Sif, we will not go easy on you. You must prove yourself here. From the time you sign this, to until you leave, you will no longer be Lady Sif, simply Sif Runvaldottir. Is that clear?”

Sif finished her tea and stood. “It is. Thank you, Headmaster. I will do my very best. Where do I sign?”

She carefully read the contract, looking for small-print and asking questions now and then. Once she had signed everything, the Headmaster called someone to take her to the womens' quarters. It was sparse, but clean and orderly. The man explained that there would be regular inspections of the quarters and when meal times were.

“If you miss a meal time, you wait until the next, no exceptions. Supper is at eight sharp. Lights out is at ten. The alarm to wake is at six, and you meet down at the courtyard. Breakfast is at eight, lunch is at one. If you need water, you ask. Understood?”

“Yes,” Sif said. “Thank you.”

He left and she changed quickly from her traveling dress into a red tunic and long brown trousers, then combed and pulled her hair into a ponytail. When she looked at the clock, it was a quarter until six. She then sighed and left her chambers, walking down to the dining hall and towards a new life.

* * *

Loki was sitting in the dining room, next to Thor, Svald on her other side, eating breakfast. It was the first time in years that Loki had willingly done this, and she quickly noticed that Thor was strangely quiet, picking at his meal while his friends all laughed and talked. Finally, Loki sighed. When Thor looked up at him, Loki tilted her head, raising her eyebrows in question.

“It's nothing,” Thor said. “I'm fine.” Loki gave him a skeptical look. “Don't give me that! I'm _fine_!” Loki only exchanged the Look with Svald, who grinned. Thor huffed and went back to pushing his food around the plate. Loki sighed again and Thor clenched his jaw.

“I'm in trouble,” he admitted and the Warriors Three ceased their ramblings.

“What's the matter, Thor?” Volstagg said, mouth very full.

“I'm in trouble,” he repeated. “I... may or may not have _accidentally_ gambled away Mjolnir to a Troll.”

Loki snorted and raised her eyebrows at Thor again. _Are you_ sure _it was an accident?_

“I may or may not have been intoxicated,” Thor admitted and Loki gave him a triumphant smile. Thor huffed at her again and rubbed his neck. “He wants a beautiful bride in exchange for it, and I've promised him the most beautiful woman in Asgard.”

“But that-” Fandral's eyes went wide. “Surely you don't mean- Thor did you promise him _Freyja_?”

Thor nodded glumly. “I don't know what to do.”

“Thor,” Loki said, cutting her breakfast meat. “You are the most incompetent oaf I've ever had the misfortune to be related to. Truly, you are an idiot.”

Everyone in the room gawped at her and she looked around, chewing. “What? Did you think I'd forgotten how to talk? Anyway, it's quite simple; you'll just have to deceive him. Who did you promise Freyja to, anyway?”

“A Troll,” Thor said, still looking dumbfounded. “By the name of Skivth.”

“What an awful bargain,” Loki remarked.

“Coming from the one who bargained his _head_ ,” Fandral said and Loki turned to glare at him. Fandral shrunk back and said “Sorry, but it's true! You're hardly one to criticize.”

Loki sighed and put her knife and fork down, wiping her mouth before saying “How do you plan to go about this? I suppose you could ask Freyja if she wants to marry a Troll, but seeing as she's already being courted, I would assume that answer would be 'no.' So, you've got two other options.”

“And they are?” Volstagg asked when Loki didn't elaborate.

“Well,” Loki said, sipping from her goblet. “You could always go back and ask for another bargain. _Or_ ,” He grinned, “we could deceive him.”

“And how would we do that?” Thor asked. Loki grinned and whispered into Svald's ear. Svald blinked, then burst out laughing.

“Oh, that is _brilliant_. Hilarious, but brilliant. And a bit cruel. It might just work.” He looked at Thor and laughed a little. “Oh, you're going to _hate_ this.”

“Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to end well?” Fandral asked, to no one in particular.

* * *

Three hours, a bath, a haircut, and a considerable amount of perfume later, Thor was in a white dress lined with gold, a circlet and veil over his head, and makeup around his eyes and lips.

“How are you getting in?” Thor asked Loki when Fandral and Volstagg had finished snickering at him.

“The same way you are,” Loki replied. “I'll be the bridesmaid.”

Fandral burst out laughing. “You as a woman? I can't wait to she that.”

Loki frowned at him said “I'll be back in a moment.” She walked into the bathroom and, the moment the door was closed, shifted into a feminine form. Sighing with relief at the comfort, she set about making herself up. She did, every now and then when she was alone, put makeup on, just to see what it was like. She pulled on a dress over her masculine clothes, did her hair, then walked out.

Fandral openly ogled her until Svald elbowed him in the ribs. Everyone else looked bewildered, and Thor said “How in the Nine do _I_ make a better bride?”

“I'm better at talking and thinking,” Loki replied. “You leave that to me, understand? Try to say nothing to them, if you can help it. And don't drink any of the wine, any of you.”

Thor muttered something about “not being able to get through this sober” under his breath and flipped the veil over his face. Loki led the way out, concealing them with an invisibility spell. When they reached the outer walls, she let the spell drop.

“Right,” Thor said. “You can go home,” he nodded at Svald. “The rest of you come as escorts.”

“Aw, come on,” Svald said, frowning. “I want to come!”

“Ignore them, Svald,” Loki said, pulling a hood over her head. “You may be my escort.” Svald grinned and offered him his arm to her and Loki graciously accepted. Loki leaned in and whispered “And I think perhaps Thor's just a bit envious of the fact that I, for once, and more attractive.”

Svald laughed and said “I think he is, actually. You make a very attractive woman.”

Loki snorted and then paused, blinking. “Oh. I've just had the most _wonderful_ idea.”

“Oh?” Svald said, raising an eyebrow. “Do tell.”

“Later,” Loki said, waving a hand. She created a yellow flower out of thin air and twirled it through her fingers lazily. Svald nudged her shoulder.

“Please?” He asked. “I want to know.”

“ _Later_!” Loki hissed, grinning and glancing over her shoulder at where the Warriors Three were poking fun at Thor. Thor was glaring at his friends and threatening them as they poked fun at him.

“Is it a prank?” Svald asked.

“Shh!” Loki poked his ribs and Svald yelped.

“A _ha_! It _is_!” He laughed and Loki shushed him again.

“Who even is that?” Volstagg asked, frowning at Loki and the red-haired boy.

“His name is Svaldifari,” Hogun said. “He's the Stablemaster's son. He and Loki spend a lot of time with each other.”

“How do you know that?” Thor asked, frowning.

“I have _eyes_ ,” Hogun said, rolling his eyes. “Every time I see Loki, Svald isn't that far off. I have to assume they're friends.”

Thor frowned. “And he talks to him?”

“To Svald?” Hogun shrugged. “He was the only one not particularly surprised when Loki spoke, so the logical conclusion is yes, Loki talks to him.”

“Why not anyone else, then?” Fandral frowned. “He doesn't even speak to _Frigga_ anymore, r so I've seen. Yet he talks to _him_?”

Hogun only shrugged again and Thor stared at his brother's back until he tripped over the hem of his dress. He swore and Volstagg began laughing again.

An hour later, they reached the house where the Troll lived. Loki walked up and Svald said “Are you _sure_ this is where he lives?”

“Positive,” Thor said. Loki walked to the door and knocked. A few minutes later, it was opened by a Troll. He was rather short, as all Trolls were, with a bushy beard and small, glittering eyes that looked a bit like beetles.

“Who're you?” He asked, looking up at Loki.

“I am a friend of Thor's,” Loki said, bowing graciously. “And a friend of the bride's. We have come to trade for the wedding. Am I correct in assuming you are Skivth?”

“I am,” the Troll nodded. “What is your name?”

“Nora,” Loki replied, smiling. “And this is Freyja, the most beautiful woman in Asgard,” she indicated Thor, and Skivth smiled.

“Ah,” he said. “Come in; we have been waiting. Who are the others?” He nodded at the Warriors Three and Svald.

“Why, guests of the bride, of course,” Loki said, smiling and batting her eyes. “You wouldn't want her to be _alone_ when she marries, correct?”

“Well, come in then,” Skivth said, and held the door open for them. Once they were inside, he asked “And where in Prince Thor?”

“Alas, he sends his regards,” Loki said. “He couldn't come, so he sent us instead.”

Skivth nodded and led them into a well-lit room, where other Trolls were waiting. “My family,” Skivth explained. He went to lift Thor's veil and Loki interfered.

“Bad luck!” She said, swatting Skivth's hand away. “It is _very_ bad luck to see the bride's face before the wedding. Patience.”

Skivth huffed, but didn't try to lift the veil again. “A feast shall be prepared,” he said. “Wait here.”

Loki and Thor sat, Svald taking his place next to Loki, Fandral sitting next to Thor, separating him from the Troll women. An hour later, the feast was served. “Remember,” Loki whispered to Thor and Svald. “Don't drink _anything_! Pass it on, will you?”

Before Thor could reply, Loki slipped out of his seat and seemed to vanish. Thor simply sighed and started in on the food.

Loki looked around carefully, pulling two thin vials out of her pocket, one filled with a purple liquid, the other with a light blue, almost white liquid. She looked around again as she approached the many barrels of wine, and went to the first, popping off the top. Three drops of the purple, two of the blue-white, then she put the lid back on, sealing it. Se went to the next, then the next, until all were filled. Twenty minutes later, Loki had slipped back, carrying a few “safe” cups for everyone. She handed one to Thor and Skivth said “The bride certainly has an appetite! She ate a whole boar!”

“Oh?” Loki glared momentarily at Thor, then said “'Tis only because she has been... um... _fasting_ in her excitement for the wedding.”

It seemed to do the trick, though Skivth looked a bit suspicious. Thor drank the cup of wine Loki had brought him and murmured “What did you do?”

“Shush. You'll figure it out.” Loki looked around intently until she breathed “Ah.”

“What?” Thor asked.

“Mjolnir,” Loki nodded at the floor next to Skivth's chair. Thor stiffened and Loki said “Relax. I've everything under control.”

Skivth brought out the wine and poured some into their goblets. Loki thanked him graciously and vanished the wine, replacing it with water. Thor drank and Loki watched, trying not to look like she was waiting. Finally, nearly half an hour later later, all the Trolls fell asleep, all at once, collapsing where they stood or sat.

“What the- What happened?” Volstagg said, looking around. Loki had gotten up and had made her way towards Skivth.

“Here's Mjolnir,” she said and Thor ran over, picking up the beloved hammer.

“But what did you _do_?” Fandral asked as Loki turned, using magic to unlock the door

Loki only grinned and waved a hand at herself and the makeup and dress vanished, leaving trousers and a tunic. Her figure became masculine again and Thor said “Can you do that for me?”

“No,” Loki said and walked out, grabbing her cloak and pulling it on. Svald fell into step next to her and Loki walked out, Thor grumbling as he hiked up his skirts in one hand and carried Mjolnir in the other.

“So how _did_ you do it?” Svald asked and the Warriors Three went quiet. Loki smirked and pulled the vials of potion out. Svald took them and sniffed before laughing.

“What?” Thor asked.

“It's a sleep potion and a memory potion,” Svald said, still laughing. “So... What? You put them to sleep and made them forget you were even there?”

“No,” Loki said, grinning. “I put them to sleep, then made them forget that they ever had Mjolnir in the first place.”

Thor laughed along with his friends and Svald looked impressed. “Clever. Very clever.”

“What, you doubted my talents?” Loki said, giving her friend a lazy smile.

“Of course not,” Svald said. “I'm just saying it was clever, that's all.”

“At this rate, we'll have our trickster back in no time!” Volstagg said, still chuckling. Loki's smile faded a bit and Svald nudged her shoulder gently.

“Are you okay?” He murmured. Loki kicked a stone and shrugged. Svald went quiet as well for a minute, then said “Wanna teleport back? They can find their way home, and we can wait for them.”

Loki slowly grinned and nodded. A moment later, the two were gone, leaving the rest behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else thinks geometry is hard and that Euclid had waaaaaay too much time on his hands?
> 
> Anyway, long story short, I failed a geometry test and so I plan on writing for the rest of the night with a cup of tea, so hopefully I'll get another chapter (or two) up before midnight. Hope you're all enjoying this, and thank you for the comments left on _Trust Me So_!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Svald play a trick, then discuss who they "like" like. You know. Because they're teenage boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Loki and Svald sat in the rafters in the dining room, both swinging their legs and munching on the sack of fruit Loki had nicked from the kitchen. Loki had an apple, Svald had a pear.

“When do you think Thor and the others will be back?” Svald asked as he finished his pear. Loki shrugged.

“Not sure,” she said. “I mean, it took us a while, and they'll have to sneak in, and believe me, they're _horrible_ as sneaking. At least, all of them except Hogun.”

Svald laughed softly. “Oh, this'll be fun. What was that thing you wanted to tell me before?”

“Oh, _that_ ,” Loki laughed and swung her legs again. “I think we should play a little prank, just the two of us.”

Svald grinned. “What did you have in mind?”

Before Loki could answer, the door opened and Thor and the Warriors Three walked in, the Warriors covering Thor as best they could. The dress they'd put Thor in was torn and dirty and Loki snorted, nudging Svald and pointing at the mess.

“Can we make them fall over from here?” Svald mused. “Or draw attention to them somehow?”

“Oh, that would be _malicious_ ,” Loki said, a look of pure glee on her face. She stood on the rafter and peered down, but before she could do anything, the doors opened again and Odin walked in with Frigga. Loki covered her mouth and accidentally dropped her apple core. It fell to the ground and Fandral noticed, glancing up. He pointed Loki out to Thor and Thor glared at her. Loki simply grinned widely and waved. Thor glanced at Odin and Frigga, still trying not to be seen, and Loki said to Svald “Behold the Mighty Thor. Should I go help him?”

“Probably,” Svald said, shrugging. Loki sighed and teleported down. She appeared next to Volstagg and the man let out a startled yelp. Loki snickered and turned Thor invisible as Frigga walked over.

“Good evening,” she said, smiling. “Have any of you seen Thor?”

The Warriors Three gave negative responses, but Loki just grinned and nodded.

“Where is he?” She asked, frowning. Loki shrugged. “Well, have you had supper yet?”

Loki considered, then shook her head. Unlike Thor, she'd eaten nothing at Skivth's. Frigga smiled. “Why don't you eat with me, then?”

Loki shook her head and turned to walk off, grabbing Thor's invisible wrist and dragging him along. Once they were out of the public eye, and into the section of the palace that was restricted to civilians, Loki removed the spell. The two walked in silence to Thor's room, and when they got there, Thor said “Loki, why have you refused to speak?”

_Because no one ever believes or listens to me when I do,_ she thought bitterly. Instead of answering, she just turned and walked off, hands in her pockets, humming a tune of her own invention.

* * *

“Did you do it?”

“Shush! I'm doing it.”

“...Are you done?”

“Shh! You're going to get us caught!”

Svald giggled and went back to making sure no one was watching as Loki poured vials of potion into barrels of ale. When they finished, they went back to their seats, both trying to look as innocent as possible, avoiding the ale, but drinking the mead and wine. They had been tipsy when they'd put the potion in the barrels, so they were both more than that when the first shout of surprise came, then the next, and the next.

Before long, all of the men had turned into women, and all of the women had turned into men. All, that is, except for Loki, Svald, Odin, Frigga, and anyone else who hadn't touched the ale.

“Who did this?” Someone with a new, shriller voice demanded and it was then that both Loki and Svald burst out laughing.

“ _Loki_!” Thor's new feminine voice growled, and made a grab for him, but Loki ducked and whooped as he ran, following Svald. Others also got up, tripping as they tried to catch them.

“RUN!” Loki shouted, almost running headlong into Svald, then ended up grabbing his wrist. The two ran on, laughing so hard they could hardly see where their feet were taking them, while warriors chased them. They were fairly easy to outrun; most of them were completely drunk, and kept colliding with others. They didn't stop until they'd chased Loki and Svald into the rain, at which point most of the warriors simply collapsed and fell asleep as the sleeping potion kicked in. Loki and Svald continued to run as Thor and a few others chased them and Svald shouted “To the stables!”

By the time they reached the stables, the others chasing them had fallen asleep, due to the other potion. Sleipnir looked out at them sleepily and the two boys simply leaned against each other, laughing until they were crying on the floor. Sleipnir huffed, looking concerned for his trainers, trying to nose at them until their crying simmered down to giggles.

“Oh, that was _hilarious_ ,” Svald said, laying down on the ground, still giggling a little. “Let's do that again.”

Loki giggled, still grinning at the ceiling. “It's too bad we got all wet.” He glanced up towards the door and grinned. “And now it's pouring. I don't know about you, but I don't really want to go back out there.”

“Fair enough,” Svald said, grinning. “There's an empty loft up there. No one ever goes up there; we can lay out our clothes and sleep there. Besides, they'll probably be waiting for us in the morning. How long did you say it was going to last for?”

“Um...” Loki blinked, then grinned slowly. “Whoops.”

“What?” Svald said, propping himself up on his elbows to look at him.

“...I forget,” Loki replied, giggling. “I can't remember how long it's going to last. A day? A week? Don't remember.”

Svald burst out laughing again and said “Oh, Norns, they're going to hate us so much.”

Loki shrugged. “They already hate me, there's only so far they can go.”

“Nah, they don't hate you,” Svald dismissed, waving it away. “I mean, they probably won't be very fond of you in the morning, but they don't hate you.”

“Easy for you to say,” Loki snorted. “Everyone likes you.”

“yeah,” Svald shrugged. “But that doesn't mean _I_ like _everyone_. And I'm sure after tonight, people are going to be less fond of me, too.”

“Probably, yes,” Loki said, smiling. He got up and tripped over his own feet, ending up leaning against Sleipnir's stall. He smiled up at the horse and said “Hullo. What are we going to do with you?”

“I dunno,” Svald shrugged. “Keep him for when you're King?”

“Yeah, like that's ever going to happen,” Loki said, snorting. “Thor's first in line.”

“So much negativity,” Svald tutted, also standing. “Come now; we have a victory! I'm going to go dry off.”

Svald climbed up to the loft while Loki stroked Sleipnir's nose and fed him an apple. Then, he too climbed up to the loft, only to find Svald already sprawled out on the floor, clothes drying. Loki paused and blinked at him and Svald opened his eyes, lips quirking up. “See something you like, Odinson?”

Loki immediately turned red and mumbled as he took his shirt off, wiping his still-wet hair from his face. He laid down next to Svald and they remained in silence for a few minutes.

“Sooo...” Svald said, grinning. “D'you like anyone?” Svald asked.

“Hmm?” Loki blinked sleepily.

“You know... like... a girl?” Loki blinked again.

“Huh?”

“Or a boy! It doesn't matter, I'm just curious.”

“Well, 's kinda _hard_ to like people when you didn't speak to anyone,” Loki mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but you can still _like_ people,” Svald said. “I mean, I've never spoken to Nanna in my life, yet I still like her. Kind of. Hard to explain.”

“Who?” Loki frowned.

“Nanna. Balder's lover,” Svald said, grinning at him slowly. “He's your first cousin; how _don't_ you know who Nanna is?”

“Oh, _her_ ,” Loki shrugged. “Balder and I don't get on.”

“He's older, isn't he?” Svald asked. Loki hummed in reply. “He's nice, from what I've heard.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Loki sighed. “I don't know him very well, to be honest.”

“Oh.” They lapsed back into silence. Then, Svald said “So... do you? Like anyone like that? Not like... lovers... But just...” He trailed off to an incoherent mumble.

“I- Maybe?” Loki said, suddenly uncomfortable. “Do you?”

“Yes,” Svald said, without hesitation. “For a while now, though they've not noticed.”

“That's unfortunate,” Loki said. “Who is it? Anyone I know?”

“Mhmm,” Svald said, grinning “Someone you know.”

“Do I see them a lot?” Loki asked.

“All th' time,” Svald replied, giggling. Loki frowned.

“That's not fair, the only person I ever see is you. Unless you're attracted to Sleipnir,” Loki said and Svald laughed.

“No, no; it's not Slip. Really? You can't guess?” Svald grinned at him, eyes sparkling.

“No. Tell me,” Loki said, turning over to face his friend.

“Guess!” Svald said, looking back at the ceiling, looking smug. Loki huffed.

“Can you at least tell me if they're male or female?” He asked.

“Male,” Svald said. “That's all you're getting.”

“Is it Hogun?” Loki asked.

“No.”

“...Balder?”

“No.”

“Volstagg.”

“Isn't he courting someone?”

“So?”

Svald sighed. “No, it's not Volstagg.”

“Oh, Norns.”

“Figured it out?” Svald looked up at him and grinned.

“ _Fandral_?” Loki said in disgust. Svald looked disappointed.

“Guess again.” he laid back down as Loki huffed.

“It's not Thor, is it?” He mused. “I may have to kill you if it is.”

“No, not Thor.”

“Tell me!” Loki said, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“Nope!” Svald laughed and Loki huffed again.

“I'll figure it out eventually,” he informed the redhead. Svald just grinned.

“I'm sure you will, Loki,” he said. Loki said nothing in reply and stared at the ceiling while he tried to think of who it could be. The rain was beating down upon the roof, and there was the metallic _plink-plink-plinking_ of water filling a bucket somewhere, and Loki closed his eyes with a soft sigh. The loft smelled like must and hay and of overripe apples, and he could hear the horses nickering and huffing at each other below in their stalls. Svald was humming an unfamiliar tune under his breath, but it faded and broke off as his breathing slowed. Loki shifted on the wooden floor, suddenly cold, but not having the energy to start a fire. He simply began to meditate instead, trying to clear his mind, however it kept wandering off in various directions, as minds tend to do when one is trying to fall asleep. Visions that were only half-formed danced before his eyes.

_What if he's talking about me?_ He thought vaguely. It was then that his whole body decided to jerk, and he felt like he was falling for a moment. The half-dreams vanished and he blinked a couple of times before realizing that the rain had stopped. He turned his head to look at Svald, only to find that the boy was still asleep. Moonlight was coming through the window and lighting the room and Loki propped himself up on his elbow before poking Svald awake.

“Wha...? Loki?” Svald blinked at him sleepily and frowned. “Wha's wrong?”

“Is it me?” Loki whispered.

“Hmm?” Svald sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What time's it?”

“That you like,” Loki said. “Is it me?”

Svald blinked at him in a bewilderment before saying “ _That's_ what you woke me for?” Loki blushed and Svald grinned, sleepy and embarrassed. “Yeah, it's you, you idiot.” He closed his eyes again, still grinning.

“Oh.” Loki didn't know what else to say for a minute. “I like you too, you know.”

“You _do_?” Svald's eyes snapped open, wide.

“Well, yes,” Loki said, sitting up and wrapping his arms around his knees, dried and mussed hair falling in his face.

Svald snorted and laid back down. “If I'd known that, I would've told you outright.”

Loki smiled slightly. “I s'pose I would've as well.”

They fell silent, listening to night birds and bugs chirping outside. Loki closed his eyes, chis resting on his knees, and dozed until another thought occurred to him. “Well, now what?”

“What'd you mean?” Svald asked, looking at him and frowning.

“Well,” Loki said, yawning. “We know we, um, _like_ each other... Does this change anything?”

“It doesn't have to,” Svald said, but it sounded more like a question than a statement. “I don't know. I've never... _liked_ anyone before. Not really.”

“Hm. I haven't either.” Loki looked down for a moment.

“Can we figure this out in the morning?” Svald asked when the silence stretched. “'M tired.”

“Yeah,” Loki said slowly. “Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Loki,” Svald murmured and laid down again, scooting a bit closer to Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm feeling better, though I still think geometry's hard. Anyway, here's some fluff. And I'm tired, so time for bed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Svald talk a bit, and a few secrets are revealed Sif makes a brief appearance, and Odin loses a game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously

The next morning, Loki found his head was throbbing with a headache. He was also wrapped around something warm, but it was bright out, so he snuggled closer to the warm someone, trying to block out the light, when all at once, everything from the previous night came back.

Loki was instantly awake and scrambled off of Svald, apologizing over and over again as blue eyes blinked up at him curiously. “Why're you apologizing?”

“Well... I...” Loki was flushed red with embarrassment and Svald grinned up at him.

“'S alright, Loki,” he said. “It's not like you can control what you do in your sleep. And honestly, if I'd minded, I'd've pushed you off.”

Loki nodded and picked up his shirt from where he'd left it to dry, pulling it on over his head, cheeks still flushed. “Do you think it's safe to go back inside now? Or do you think they'll still want to kill us?”

“Depends,” Svald said, grinning. “They're probably still women, aren't they?”

“True,” Loki said, tilting his head. “But they'll also have hangovers.”

“Mm, good point,” Svald said, nodding as he pulled his shirt on as well. “I think we can risk it.”

They both made their way back down to the stalls and Sleipnir looked at them sleepily. Svald stroked his nose and smiled. “We'll come back a little later to give you breakfast, okay, Slip?”

The horse huffed and nudged Svald. Loki smiled as Svald playfully nudged Sleipnir back, then walked towards the palace again, awkwardly, until Loki said “Are we going to talk about... this?” He waved in the space between them and Svald shrugged uncomfortably.

“I... I guess? What's there to say? I mean, things don't _have_ to change... right?” Loki looked at the ground quietly and Svald swallowed. They continued to walk until they came to the dining room.

“Loki.”

Loki looked up and around to see Odin approaching. His eyes widened and he breathed “ _Damn_.”

Odin came to a halt in front of him and Svald shuffled a bit closer to Loki, glad that the Allfather paid him no mind.

“Loki, I wish to speak with you,” Odin said, looking down at his son. Loki blinked at him and nodded, glancing at Svald. “Alone,” he added. Loki sighed and slumped his shoulders, throwing Svald a gloomy look over his shoulder as his followed his father to his study. “Close the door behind you.”

Loki did as he was told and closed the door quietly before standing in front of his father's desk. “Sit.” Loki sat. Odin put some papers aside and took out a chess board, placing the pieces on, making Loki white. “So you've turned the warriors into women. Any particular reason for this?”

Loki shrugged and moved a piece. Odin nodded.

“I see,” he said, also moving a piece. “And was there any reason you haven't been speaking for the past few years except, it appears, to Svaldifari?”

Loki moved a piece and shrugged again, tucking some loose strands of hair behind his ear. Odin nodded again, thoughtfully, and said “How long will the warriors remain women?”

Loki grinned and shrugged yet again. Odin just stared at him. “You don't know?” Loki nodded. “Why?”

Loki didn't reply, but grinned still grinning as he moved a piece. Odin captured it and Loki huffed, frowning. Odin smiled a bit. “Thor is still asleep. I assume there was a sleeping potion as well?”

_Well, it helped that they were already half drunk,_ Loki thought, but simply gave a nod in reply, taking his turn and waiting patiently. 

“Only in the mead, though.”

“Mm.” Loki focused more on their chess game before moving a piece, then instantly cursing himself when the piece was captured.

“Not so hasty,” Odin murmured. “We've all day.”

It was then that Loki's stomach growled. Odin raised his eyebrows. “Have you had breakfast yet?” Loki shook his head, eyes unmoving from the board. Odin got up and went to the door, ordering a servant to bring some food. Loki moved in his absence and when he returned, Odin frowned at the board and moved as he sat down. Loki huffed; Odin had sabotaged his plan. He looked around, then moved a random pawn. Odin raised his eyebrows slightly at the move, and captured the pawn. Loki attacked his knight. They continued their game in semi-silence, Loki humming absentmindedly under his breath. When a tray of breakfast came, Loki paused and planned out his next few moves while nibbling on a piece of toast. He'd never beaten Odin in a game before, and he suspected he wouldn't win this time, but he moved his queen anyway to capture Odin's castle. Odin gave a soft “Ah...” And moved his queen in the direction of Loki's queen. Loki frowned and moved on.

Twenty minutes later, Loki grinned and said “Check!” Then realized he'd spoken. Odin flicked his eyes up at him, then peered at the board.

“So I see,” he said and glanced around the board. Finally, he nodded and knocking over his king. “A fine victory. Very good, Loki.”

Loki positively beamed at the praise and looked back down at the board before sitting back, grinning happily at the board, then back up at Odin. Odin smiled back, just a bit, before saying “Off you go, now, my boy. Go get cleaned up.”

Loki nodded and stood up before glancing at the breakfast tray, hesitating. He took the plate of toast with him and slipped out, still grinning at his recent victory while he ate. He reached his room without disturbance and walked in, finding Svald sitting on a chair, reading a book, legs up on the armrest. He glanced up and raised his eyebrows.

“What happened? You must've been in there for at _least_ two hours,” he said, flipping the book closed.

“Chess,” Loki said, finishing the toast and putting the plate aside. “I won.”

“Congratulations,” Svald said, looking faintly impressed. Loki walked into his bedroom and pulled some clean clothes out, laying them on the bed before undressing. Svald, meanwhile, went back to his book.

“Hey, Loki?” He called.

“Yes?” Loki said as he pulled on a clean, dark red tunic.

“What's the theory of relative magic?”

Loki paused and blinked for a minute. “Complicated,” he said at last. “I'm not sure yet; I've just started with it. It's interesting, though.”

“Yeah?” Svald said.

“Uh-huh,” Loki finished getting dressed and said “So, are we going to talk about this? Whatever 'this' is?”

“Do you _want_ to?” Svald asked, sitting properly on the sofa so Loki could sit next to him.

“Well, yes,” Loki said. “I mean, _usually_ when two people _like_ each other, they talk about it and... stuff.”

“And 'stuff?'” Svald said, raising an eyebrow. “Loki, we're both only about nine-hundred years old.”

“I'm eight-hundred and ninety-eight.” Loki huffed.

“And I'm nine-twenty-one!” Svald argued. “You're younger than I am.”

“It's twenty years difference,” Loki pointed out. “That's not a lot.”

“It is in human terms,” Svald muttered.

“We're not humans,” Loki replied with a sigh. “I mean, _my_ parents were nearly three-hundred years apart.”

Svald shifted. “I don't want any of that.”

“What? A relationship?” Loki rubbed his eyes and sighed. “I'm not saying we should be in a relationship, I'm just saying we should talk about it!”

“That's what we're doing,” Svald stated dryly. “There are words coming out of our mouths in a way that is referred to as _talking_.”

“Oh, you know what I mean,” Loki snapped. “How long've you liked me for, anyway?”

Svald shrugged. “I dunno. A while? We've only known each other for all of five years, that's not a lot of time.”

“Some people don't know each other at all before they're married,” Loki pointed out.

“That's arranged marriage, that's different,” Svald sighed. There was silence for a few minutes, then Svald said “Are you betrothed?”

“What? Not that I know of,” Loki said, blinking. “Nether is Thor, I think.”

Svald rubbed his arms a bit, like he was cold. Finally, he said “I think there's something wrong with me.”

“What?” Loki said, looking at him, frowning in concern. “What do you mean?”

“It's just...” Svald shifted and looked down. “I don't want to... _do_ anything. Like that. With anyone. I mean, most people do, like Fandral and Thor. _Is_ that normal? I mean, I don't even like thinking about it; it's so _strange_ , like who even thinks to do that? For _fun_?”

Loki's face turned red when he realized what Svald was referring to, and said “Oh. You don't like- Right.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I don't think there's anything _wrong_ with not wanting to... do stuff.

Svald looked doubtful. He brought his knees up to his chest and said “And I _like_ you, I really do, but... I don't know. I don't want to do _that_.”

“That's okay!” Loki assured him quickly. “I don't either. Not yet, at least.” Loki, like a lot of boys his age, had thought about 'it' before, and had only in the last few years discovered that people were attractive. Fandral had taken upon this discovery with great enthusiasm, as had Thor. Loki had been approached a few times, but soon became so uncomfortable that he usually left, if the person didn't become annoyed that he wouldn't speak, then walk off. In all honesty, he hadn't an idea what to do when people winked at him, or sat next to him and began flirtations. Fandral and Thor had teased him for it, and so Loki usually left. Sometimes, however, Svald would come to the rescue and simply lead him away from the group.

Svald simply nodded at Loki's words and said “But others do. In fact, everyone else does, except for me. And I think about it, but it's just... _repulsing_?” He seemed unsure of his explanation. “And kissing is just...” He shook his head, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “I mean, I know why people do it, and I don't mind when it's just a quick little thing on the cheek, or forehead, or even on the lips, but why do people have to involve their _tongue_?” He shook his head, still looking disgusted.

“But you seemed okay with me accidentally, um, hugging? Earlier,” Loki said awkwardly, and Svald nodded eagerly.

“See, that's the thing! That's fine with me, I _like_ that, and some kissing, but...” Svald and Loki were both red in the face from embarrassment and looked away from each other.

“Svald?” Loki said at last, still a bit red.

“Yes?” Svald said, uncertainly.

“I... have a secret too,” Loki admitted, picking up a pillow and holding it in his lap.

“Oh?” Svald said, blinking.

“...Yeah,” Loki picked at the pillow's lining and didn't say anything else for a minute. “It's a little more unusual than yours. You know I'm a shapeshifter, right?”

“Yes,” Svald said slowly, wondering where this was going.

“Well... Sometimes I change without meaning to. Into a girl.” Loki didn't look at Svald. “And when that happens, I feel like a girl. I can change back into a boy, but it doesn't feel right. Like when you're wearing a shirt on the wrong way, or have wet shoes on.” He shrugged. “I don't know why it happens. Not many people know about it; Eir does, and my mother does. She's offered to find me clothes...” Loki shrugged. “I've gotten better at hiding it. But it just feels _uncomfortable_. Usually I'll just hide in here for a few days until it's over. Say I'm not feeling well, or that I have a headache. I don't think my father knows. Thor definitely doesn't know; he'd never let me live it down.”

Svald looked at Loki with interest. “You sometimes feel like a girl?”

Loki nodded, grinning humorlessly. “Odd, isn't it?”

“No more odd than mine,” Svald said. He paused and said “Loki, when Thor lost his hammer, and you turned into a woman to be the bridesmaid, was that... Did you _feel_ like a girl right then?”

Loki nodded reluctantly and Svald sighed “Oh, _Loki_.” He shook his head. “You don't have to hide from me, okay? Promise you won't? I won't force you to be a girl when we're with other people, but when it's just us, don't make yourself feel uncomfortable, okay?”

Shock was laced through Loki's body, his eyes wide. Was Svald just going to... accept him? Accept this? He blinked and nodded numbly.

“Svald?”

“Yes, Loki?”

“Can I... Can I kiss you?” Loki squeaked, blushing even more and cringing after he said it.

“Um... I guess? Yes?” Svald said, shifting.

“Are you sure?” Loki asked. Svald nodded, slowly. Loki shifted a bit, then awkwardly leaned in, quickly pecking Svald on the cheek, then burying his face in his hands as embarrassment took over, not daring to look at Svald until Svald pecked him back on the temple. Loki peeked though his fingers and grinned as Svald hunched his shoulders, smiling back shyly.

“Good,” Svald said. “That was... um... good.”

Loki nodded and swallowed. Svald looked around and said “Do you feel like a girl right now?”

“No,” Loki replied.

“Okay,” Svald said. “Can I hug you?”

Loki nodded and Svald wrapped his arms around Loki, the pillow squished between them. Loki relaxed into his embrace and leaned into him, the pillow getting tossed on the floor. The two shifted to that they were laying down on the sofa, Loki slightly on top of Svald, and Loki leaned further in, nuzzling Svald's collarbone.

“That's it?” He asked. “You don't care?”

“Of course not,” Svald said, fingers running through his hair. “Why would I? You should feel comfortable.”

Loki nodded again, swallowing with a bit difficulty. He squeezed his eyes shut and his breathing became quicker. Svald shifted, giving Loki enough room to slip his arms around Svald's middle. A weight flelt like it had been lifted from Loki's shoulders, and he struggled for breath. _Svald doesn't care about it. He still likes me. He's still here. He's not going to leave. He still wants to be my friend_. Tears of relief began to slip free and Loki clung on tighter, burying himself in Svald's warmth and smell as thin, calloused fingers combed through his hair and another hand scratched his back gently, in soothing circles. They remained that way for a while, long after Loki was finished, and long after the two had fallen asleep.

* * *

Sif was wet, covered in mud, and currently winning. And she was  _enjoying_ it. It was noon and she'd not had lunch, but Sif had been  _dying_ to compete against this boy, the son of some Lord who had bought his place into the academy. His name was Kaj.

The first few months at the academy had been difficult for Sif; she'd been the only girl, and was given no leeway from everyone else. At the time, she'd hated it, but was still determined to prove herself. As the months had trickled by, she'd gotten stronger, her muscles becoming more pronounce. In the five years she'd been there, she had exceeded expectations and was now just disgusted by the men who sneered at her, or mockingly offered their help. Mostly, in retaliation, she'd ignored them, or had gone to their rooms before inspection and had put a few things _just_ out of order. When two boys had gone into her room and thrown her things all over the room, she went and simply reported them.

On the other hand, she'd made a few friends. The first was Urkhar, a Vanir boy who had approached her after a month and had congratulated her on her first victory. The second was Gree, an Elf who had been completely lost when he'd arrived, so Sif had invited him to sit with her and Urkhar. The third was Aria, the only other woman at the academy who had arrived only three months after Sif, and another Aesir. Sif, eager for some woman companionship, had offered a place with her and the two boys. Aria had instantly agreed and the two had become close friends.

With a triumphant cry, Sif disarmed Kaj, and his sword went flying. She pointed the tip of her sword at his throat and there was cheering from where her friends had been watching her. He glared at her as she was declared the proper winner and she lowered her sword, bowing respectfully, but smirking as she put her sword away and went to wash and change before lunch.

“That was fantastic, Sif!” Aria said, catching up as Sif went into the woman's washroom. “Oh, and the look on his face when he was disarmed, did you see it?” She laughed and Sif smiled before pulling her tunic off, tossing it into her hamper.

“I saw it,” she replied, taking a washcloth and walking into the open bath. She dived in and scrubbed the mud out of her scalp before coming back up and wiping herself down quickly as Aria did the same, still chattering about her own match against another boy. Once they were both cleaned, dried, and dressed, they went to the dining-room for lunch.

“I'm _starving_ ,” Aria said. “Oh, that smells good. I wonder what the occasion is.”

“It must be my victory,” Sif joked, grinning as she got in line for lunch, Aria behind her. She scanned the room until she saw Kaj sitting with his group, getting teased. The boy looked humiliated and angry. Sif knew why; even though Kaj had bought his way into the academy, he _was_ a good swordsman, and his pride was important to him. She narrowed her eyes and said “Aria, can you hold my place for me?”

“Of course,” Aria said, smiling. “And if you're not back, I'll get you some and sit at our usual table, yeah?”

“Thank you.” Sif walked over to where Kaj and his peers were sitting. They stopped talking and looked up at her as she approached, grinning and poking fun at Kaj. Kaj simply glared at her.

“What do you want? Come to taunt?” He sneered.

“Not at all,” Sif said, raising her eyebrows and holding out a hand. “I take no pleasure in gloating. I merely came to thank you for the match and compliment your stance; tis fine and strong.”

“Not so strong if a _girl_ can beat him,” one of his peers smirked. Sif turned her gaze.

“I,” Sif said, “am offended. I am no mere girl; I am a warrior-in-training for His Majesty's guard. As are you. Why must you think any less of me?”

“Oh, I don't know,” the boy said, grinning. “Maybe 'cause you're a _girl_.”

Sif sighed and looked back at Kaj. “As I was saying, you have a fine stance, and excellent balance. I am sure you will make an excellent warrior.” With that, she turned away and went back to Aria.

“What did you say to them?” Her friend asked when she got back in line.

“Merely complimented him on his stance,” Sif shrugged. “And thanked him for the match.”

“That was nice of you,” Aria said, smiling.

“Good sportsmanship,” Sif corrected. “He fought well, it shouldn't go unnoticed.”

“Hm. If you say so,” Aria took her lunch and went to their table, Sif following. Urkhar and Gree were already there and talking. They sat and Gree smiled.

“So what're you two doing for Yule?” He asked. “I'm heading home, and so is Urkhar.”

“I am,” Aria said, smiling. “Are you, Sif?”

“Nope,” Urkhar said, grinning. “She never goes home; she's been here for three years straight.”

“Really?” Aria raised her eyebrows. “Don't you miss your family? Or friends?”

“Not really,” Sif said with a shrug. “My father is always busy, and my mother and I, ah, don't see eye to eye, if you know what I mean. She didn't want me coming to the academy in the first place, and Father convinced her it'd be good for me, and that I could come home if I didn't want to do it anymore.”

“So you're staying here... What, to prove a point?” Urkhar raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Sif said, digging into her lunch.

“And what point is that?” Gree asked, tilting his head to one side. Sif chewed as she thought of an answer, then swallowed.

“That I'm not just a pretty face,” she said at last. “That I can _do_ something.”

“Didn't the Prince cut your hair off?” Aria asked, taking a bite of lunch. Sif froze.

“What?”

“The younger one,” Aria continued. “I heard it from my friend Sidja, and _she_ heard it from her cousin, Marel, who heard it from his brother, Hal, who heard it from someone called Fandral-”

“That _lout_ ,” Sif snarled, attacking her meal with a new viciousness. “I swear, I'll squeeze the life out of that-”

“Sif!” Gree said, eyes widening. People were looking at her. She calmed a bit, but glared at her meal.

“So... He _did_ cut your hair off?” Aria asked, blinking.

“I don't want to talk about it,” Sif mumbled. She poked at her meal for a few moments before getting up. “I'm not hungry.”

She walked off, her friends looking after her curiously.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, Svald's asexual. And panromantic. 
> 
> Okay, so I'm bi (and very open about it), not asexual. I've looked at a few websites dedicated to asexuality, and I know it varies from person to person, just as any sexuality does, but in case you were wondering, that's what it is.
> 
> Also happy new year, everyone! Hope you guys ended on a good note, and if not then here's to a new one!
> 
> Thank you to those who left kudos!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Svald give Sleipnir to Odin, and Fandral finds out about the eight-legged horse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Loki and Svald kept their 'not a relationship' in the low side for the first year. Loki continued to teach Svald magic, and they held hands and kissed when no one was looking. On a few occasions, they would curl up together, sometimes Loki would read while Svald played with his getting-longer hair, putting in little braids. Over the next two years, Svald finally admitted that yes, they were in a relationship. Still nothing changed. Not dramatically, anyway.

“I'm a girl today,” Loki said suddenly as Svald finished up cleaning up a stall. Svald looked at her and said “Okay. Do you still want me to call you Loki?”

Loki frowned at him. “I- Yes? That's my name, isn't it?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted a more feminine name for when you're feeling feminine,” Svald shrugged. “And you don't have to hide, remember? Also, would you like me to use feminine pronouns when you're feminine?”

Loki swallowed and nodded, looking down. A moment later, she shifted into her female form. She glanced up at Svald, who smiled and said “Hello, beautiful.” He reached over and pecked her on the forehead and Loki turned a bit red.

“Am I really that pretty?” Loki questioned.

“Mhmm,” Svald said, smiling at her. “The prettiest girl I've ever seen.”

Loki turned even more red and Svald laughed softly. “Could you brush down Slip? I'm going to work on the next stall.”

Loki nodded and went over to Sleipnir's stall, opening it and smiling as the horse snuffled at him, looking for apples or carrots. Loki stroked his nose. “Sorry,” she murmured, “no carrots.”

Sleipnir huffed and Loki laughed, picking up the brush, humming as she went. “You're big, aren't you?” She sighed. “What're we going to do with you, hmm?” Sleipnir nickered and Loki continued to brush him. About twenty minutes later, Svald came over and said “Could you take him out into the field? I need to clean his stall out.”

“Sure, I'll go train him for a bit,” Loki smiled and saddled Sleipnir up. She then led him out of the stables before mounting, riding him to the open space where the horses could do what they liked. It was currently empty, and so Loki urged Sleipnir on to go faster. Before long, he was galloping and Loki's eyes were narrowed and watering against the wind that whipped by, but Sleipnir knew not to leave the field, so she finally just closed her eyes and held on tightly to the reins so she wouldn't fall off. She loved this, this sense of flying. Sleipnir was the fastest horse alive and as wild as a storm, but so kind to those he liked.

Much to soon, Sleipnir slowed and came to a stop in front of Svald, who just smiled. “I see you got some training done,” he teased and Loki grinned as she slipped down, face red from the wind.

“I still don't know what we're going to do with him,” she said, climbing up onto the fence surrounding the field. “Feisty as he is, we can't just sell him.”

“Why would we do that?” Svald asked with a frown, feeding Sleipnir an apple. “No one could ever afford him, he's fit for a King.”

They went silent as Svald's words sunk in. Loki's eyes widened and she said “Oh. _Oh_!”

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” Svald asked, blinking and grinning.

“Father's four-thousandth name-day is nearly upon us,” Loki said in a rush. “In three months. It's a big deal; lots and lots of people are being invited from all over.”

“It's not everyday you turn four-thousand,” Svald agreed. “But will Slip let him get close? He doesn't even let the other _handlers_ get close enough to touch him, only us.”

“I'm not sure,” Loki sighed. “He's never really _met_ new people, has he?”

“True,” Svald nodded. “And Odin just has this sense of authority about him.”

“Well, yeah,” Loki said, snorting. “He's the _King_ , Svald; he'd be fairly useless if people didn't listen to him.”

Svald grinned and looked back at Sleipnir. “Want to be a King's Steed, Slip?”

Sleipnir snuffled and nosed at Svald's pockets, looking for more treats. Svald grinned and pulled out another apple for the horse to munch on and said “We'll take that as a 'yes.' We're going to have to train him more, though; he needs to be completely obedient, and we've only a few months.”

“He's already fairly obedient,” Loki said, swinging her legs from the fence. “I mean, to us. He'd have to get to know Father, but he's getting better with other horses now.” It was true; they had trained him enough so he could be stalled with the other horses without any problem.

“I guess the next course of training is getting him to like other people,” Loki said. “Is there anyone we could use?”

“How about the Warriors Three?” Svald suggested. “If we tell them it's a secret, then they won't tell.”

“Not Volstagg,” Loki said immediately. “He can't keep a secret to save his life. No, if we're going to do this, we can ask Fandral.”

Svald nodded. “We'll introduce them slowly, first with smell, then with sight, then with touch.”

Loki nodded and ran her fingers through her hair. “We can start with Fandral, he won't mind; he likes horses. We'll introduce him immediately, and if that doesn't work, we can work with Odin, slowly like you said. How hard can it be to find something that smells like him?”

“That could work,” Svald said, nodding. “Then we'll try and get him used to the other stable-hands.”

Loki smiled. “Oh, this'll be _great_.”

-

As it turned out, Fandral was very willing to meet Sleipnir, though he had looked at them in disbelief when Svald had said he had eight legs. Loki had confirmed and so the three made their way to the stables.

“Sleipnir,” Loki said in a soft, singsong tone. “We've brought someone for you to meet.”

Sleipnir stuck his nose out of his stall and snorted. Loki grinned and stroked it. “Sleipnir, this is Fandral. Say hello, Fandral.”

“Hello,” Fandral said, uncertainly. “Are you sure this is a good idea. Loki?”

Sleipnir huffed and looked wearily at Fandral. Svald opened the stall and went inside, bringing Sleipnir out. “Hey, Loki, bring Fandral to the training field, and I'll bring Slip out there, yeah?”

“Okay,” Loki said and led the way out of the stables again, Fandral following.

“Your horse has eight legs,” Fandral said. “Loki, why do you even have a horse with eight legs?”

“It's a long story,” Loki sighed. Fandral blinked at him, then grinned slowly.

“What, is he your son? You and Svald's?”

“No, of course not,” Loki looked disgusted. “How would that even work? No, his mother's Navrra.”

Fandral just grinned. A few minutes later, Sleipnir appeared, being led by Svald. Loki handed an apple to Fandral and said “Feed this to him when he gets over here.” Fandral accepted it. When Sleipnir got close, Fandral held it out and Loki said “Be gentle, Slip. _Gentle_.” Sleipnir huffed and refused to look at Fandral for a few minutes until he finally reached out and took the apple, munching. He then trotted off and Loki said “Well, that went better than expected.”

Sleipnir came back a moment later and nudged Fandral, looking for more apples. Fandral stood still and said uncertainly “I've no more for you.”

Sleipnir huffed and seemed to glare at Fandral before nipping his shoulder.

“Slip! Gentle!” Svald scolded as Fandral yelped and Sleipnir trotted away from him and over to Loki instead, looking expectant. Loki simply stroked his nose and said “There's no more for you. You'll get too big.”

Sleipnir huffed again and trotted off, away from them. Loki sighed and said “I'll go after him.”

“So you're going to give him to Odin?” Fandral asked as Loki sprinted away.

“Yeah,” Svald said, nodding. “Usually we'd sell, but, well, it's not often that you get an eight-legged horse.”

“I've noticed,” Fandral said, nodding. “He's odd.”

“Well, yeah,” Svald admitted. “We prefer the term 'special.'”

“Hm. Certainly one way to put it,” Fandral said with a laugh, watching Loki try and coax Sleipnir back, to no avail.

“I think he's afraid!” Loki shouted back and Svald burst out laughing.

“Slip! Slip, come here,” Svald called and Sleipnir ignored him, instead choosing to graze. “Slip, you terror, I know you can hear me.”

Sleipnir continued to ignore him and Loki, and Svald finally sighed and walked over, Fandral following. Sleipnir looked up as they got close, and trotted away from Fandral. Loki began to laugh.

“He's afraid of him!” Loki was still laughing as Fandral grinned, and it wasn't long before tears of mirth were starting to form and Loki was rolling on the ground. Concerned, Sleipnir trotted over to Loki to nose him, snuffling, which didn't help the situation of Loki's laughter. Fandral laughed a bit and started to go after Sleipnir, and the poor horse looked distressed when he got close, choosing to try and hide his head behind Loki.

“He's shy,” Svald said, looking bemused. “I suppose it's time for plan B.”

-

“...And you need this _why_?” Odin asked, raising an eyebrow at the two boys.

“An experiment,” Svald said. “We'll give it back when we're done.”

“May I ask what this... 'experiment' involves?” Odin asked, narrowing his eye at Loki. Loki just grinned widely, clutching Odin's pillow, shaking his head.

“It's a surprise,” Svald explained. Odin sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Is it going to damage that?” He nodded at the pillow and Loki shook his head. Odin nodded. “You may use it. Return it to its place when you've finished.”

Loki jumped into the air once before running off, eyes dancing in excitement. Svald took off after him, shouting “Thank you, Allfather!” As he went.

Sleipnir took to the pillow easily, sniffing and nosing it for apples. Finding none, he huffed, but Svald handed him a few sugar cubes and the horse happily munched on the rare treat. Loki counted it as a success and they repeated the process for a month, then moved on to sight. Loki would shift into Odin's form and when he let Sleipnir see him, the horse was given more sugar. By the third month, Sleipnir was excited to see or smell Odin, and over the course of the third month, they weaned him off the sugar.

The name-day celebration was huge. People from Vanaheim and Alfheim were there, as well as nearly all of the nobles in Asgard. There was food and drink and talking and Loki sat quietly next to Thor, poking at his food, wishing Svald were next to him. Alas, Svald hadn't been invited, and Loki was stuck there until dessert was served, so instead he listened to the talk around him.

“How about a tale?” Someone down the table shouted at last and Loki's head snapped up. He hadn't told a story at a feast like this in a few years now... He grinned and went back to his food as someone got up to tell one. It was a horrible story, but everyone was half drunk, so no one seemed to care. More stories were told, both tragic and comedic, until at last Loki stood up on his chair.

“Loki what are you...?” Thor asked and Loki grinned wickedly before stepping on the table like the storytellers before him had, walking down it, deliberately towards the wooden chair that had been placed on the middle of the long table. All eyes were on him, and he sat down, picking up someone's cup of mead.

“I've a tale for those who shall listen,” Loki said, and crossed his legs in the chair. The room was completely silent and Loki continued “In a small town once, there lived an elderly Mage. He served as a wise-man for the people, and loved to help them solve their problems, giving them potions, or preforming spells to help him. He never asked for payment from those who could not afford his help, for their returned kindness, he said, was all the payment he needed.

“The only person who lived with him was his granddaughter, who did not understand why they helped those who could not pay. She did not understand, yet she helped him when he asked, for she was there to take care of him. One day, the elderly Mage told his granddaughter that he was going to leave the town for a few weeks, and to watch over the house whilst he was gone. He did not say when he should return, but put on his tattered cloak, and took up his walking stick before making his leave...”

As he continued on, the room remained completely silent, the only noise being his voice, echoing back to him. Even the servants had gone silent and all eyes were upon him, even as he carefully walked up and down the table so all could see him.

“...It was then that the granddaughter sprang up and ran from the house, screaming, 'bring to me your troubles, your woes, your tragedies, your pain! Bring them to me, let me soothe and heal, and advise! Bring them to me, anyone and everyone! Bring them to me, for I am the Mage's granddaughter, and I can heal even your deepest of wounds!'

“And slowly, the people came from their homes and went to her, telling her their stories, bringing their ails and illnesses and sorrows. At the end of the day, when each and every person had been listened to, she looked at the cat and said 'Well?'

“The cat just smiled at her, and walked off before transforming. Low and behold, the elderly Mage stood before her, tattered cloak swirling at his ankles, walking stick in hand. With a cry of joy, the granddaughter embraced him, the Mage smiling. 'That wasn't so hard, was it?' He asked, and led her home.”

Loki finished the tale and put the goblet of mead he'd taken back down, then returned to his seat. The room still completely silent and everyone was staring at him.

“What? The story's finished now; you can all go back to whatever it was you were doing before I started,” he said and looked around the room, completely amused. He finally shook his head and said “Well, if you're all just going to sit there and be _boring_ , I'll go amuse myself.” He got up, then hesitated before taking his plate and goblet with him. “Happy name-day, Father,” he said, and walked out of the hall. He slipped into the hall and saw Svald sitting there, leaning against the wall.

“Ah, there you are,” Svald said, grinning. “That was a nice story. Is that for me?” He nodded at the food and Loki grinned, sitting next to him, cross-legged. They both ate in silence for a few more minutes, then Svald said “So how're we going to bring Sleipnir into this?”

“After stories there's usually dessert, then arguments are bound to happen between the drunk nobles,” Loki said with a shrug. “Once that starts, I'll go back in and ask Father if I could show our present to him. He'll most likely be glad for the excuse to leave; he finds such things to be dull.”

Svald nodded. “Good plan. When's dessert going to start?”

“Mm,” Loki tilted his head. “A few moments, I think. Once the servants have gathered their wits. I think I rather shocked everyone.”

“So do I,” Svald said, grinning. “The story was interesting. Short, but interesting.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, smiling back. They went quiet, voices resuming in the dining-room. They finished the food Loki had brought and Svald vanished the plate. He then pulled the tie out of his hair, letting it fall loose before laying down with a contented sigh, resting his head on Loki's thigh. Loki looked down at him and grinned. “Comfortable?”

“Very,” Svald replied, eyes closed. Loki grinned and summoned a book on poetry, holding it open with one hand, the other combing through Svald's copper hair. He read aloud a few passages when he found some interesting ones, then summoned a pencil to write in the margins of the book before putting it behind his ear.

It was an hour later that the cheering began to emanate from the dining-room and Svald murmured “I suppose the fighting's started.

Loki didn't answer. Svald opened his eyes and looked up at him, smiling when he saw Loki's jade-green eyes flicking across the pages, mouthing the words silently. “Loki,” Svald repeated. No answer. “Loki. Loki. Lo-kee. _Loooki_. Loki. Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki.” Loki turned the page. “Did you know your hair is on fire? Also Fandral said he's pregnant, and that the father is a tree. Oh, and while we're at it, a bilgsnipe ate Thor earlier today, I don't know if you heard. And the fire from your hair is starting to spread to the floor, and did you happen to notice it's raining pigeons?”

Loki either didn't hear him, or didn't care. Svald sighed and poked his stomach sharply with two fingers. Loki squawked indignantly and dropped the book on Svald's face, causing the boy to yelp and sit up.

“What did you do that for?” Loki asked, frowning as he picked the book up and tried to find his place.

“I've been trying to get your attention for the last minute or so,” Svald said, tucking his hair back behind his ears, grinning. “The fighting appears to have started.”

“Ah,” Loki got up and peered into the dining room. People appeared to be attacking each other and Odin looked like he was about reading to tell everyone off. Frigga had already gone off.

“Go get Sleipnir ready,” Loki said and walked back into the room, unnoticed by all. Even Thor was participating, though that wasn't very surprising. Loki slipped back into his seat between Frigga's and Thor's and took a tart, watching the fighting. He was half disgusted and half morbidly amused by it all. Finally, he leaned over to Odin and whispered “What exactly are they fighting over””

Odin jumped and sighed. “Loki, do not stand on that side.”

“Ah, sorry.” Loki moved to the other side of his father and said “So? Their argument?”

“About the proper pronunciation of 'bilgsnipe,'” Odin replied, looking exasperated.

“I see.” Loki watched, nibbling the tart. “And this elaborated to violence _how_?”

Odin just shook his head in an exasperated sort of way. Loki nodded. “Well. I've something to show you, if you're looking for an excuse to leave for a while.”

“Oh?” Odin raised his eyebrows. “To where exactly?” Loki smiled.

“It's a surprise.” Loki finished his tart and got up, walking towards the exit. “Coming?”

Odin got up and followed, Loki grinning. “Where are we going?”

“You'll see,” Loki replied, hands in his pockets. When they reached the field, Loki stopped, waiting. Odin waited with him silently for a moment, then said “What are we waiting for?”

“Your gift,” Loki said simply. A moment later, Svald appeared, riding Sleipnir. Odin's eye widened.

“What in the _Nine_...?” The Allfather murmured and Loki's grin widened. Sleipnir slowed to a stop and Svald slipped off his back.

“This is Sleipnir,” Loki said. “He's very fast.”

“I can tell,” Odin murmured, looking the horse up and down. Sleipnir was very happy to meet Odin, and nickered happily. Odin put his hand out for the horse to sniff, then stroked his nose. “Why does he have eight legs?”

“There was an accident,” Svald replied.

“I tried to fix him,” Loki elaborated. “He was born cripple.”

“And you accidentally gave him eight legs?” Odin gave a soft laugh as he looked Sleipnir over. “He's a fine steed.”

“You like him?” Loki asked, eyes widening in excitement.

“I do, yes,” Odin said, focused on Sleipnir. Loki glanced at Svald happily. “Did you two train him yourselves?”

“Yeah!” Svald and Loki nodded vigorously.

“He won't let anyone else get near him,” Loki said. “He's very shy. We had to train him to get to know you.”

“Ah,” Odin nodded in understanding. “The pillow?” Loki smiled and nodded. “Very clever,” Odin said, nodding. “Very clever indeed. However, he also recognized me.”

Loki grinned and shifted into Odin's shape. Svald laughed and Sleipnir looked at Loki, huffing at him. Odin's eyebrows raised and he looked Loki up and down before nodding slowly. “I see.”

Loki shifted back and Odin said “We should go back before they realize we're missing. Thank you for the gift, Loki, Svaldifari.” Odin stroked Sleipnir once more, as if enchanted. Loki grinned at Svald and pulled his friend away to leave Odin with his gift.

“He's _impressed_!” Loki said in delight, almost glowing from happiness. “He likes him. He _actually_ likes him!”

“You seem surprised,” Svald noted.

“I _am_!” Loki said, beaming at him. “After all, he's never impressed with anything!” _At least, anything_ I _do,_ he thought privately. Svald just gave him a smile and laced his fingers through Loki's, bumping gently into his shoulder.

“Hey,” he said. “Those nobles will be drunk enough that they won't notice me sneaking a bit of dessert away, won't they?”

Loki smirked. “I like the way you think, my friend. Come; the tart I has before was rather tasty.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I thought it's probably important to actually give Sleipnir to Odin, since the horse belongs to him.
> 
> The story Loki's telling is technically based off of JK Rowling's "The Wizard and the Hopping Pot" from "The Tales of Beetle The Bard." So, disclaimer: I don't own that. I might put up the whole story at some point.
> 
> Also how are you guys liking this part of the series? It seems to be doing less well, so I'm kinda uncertain. I mostly just wanted to write something that tied into mythology.
> 
> Thank you to those who left kudos!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the first half, Loki and Svald play a trick. After the line break, it gets a little intense, so if you want to skip it, there's a detailed summary in the bottom, so you're not missing out. I do suggest reading until the line break, though; that's not intense, it's mostly just good fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.
> 
> If you didn't see the summary above, things get intense after the line break, so there's a summary below.

A few days after Odin's name day, Fandral told Thor about Sleipnir. Together, they spread about the rumor that Sleipnir was Loki and Svald's son.

This didn't sit well with either Loki or Svald, so they decided to do something about it. And so it came to pass that the two were sitting in the rafters above a hallway, mischief stirring. Loki had, somehow, gotten hold of a toy cannon, and they were now stuffing it with colored dye mixed with magic, and shooting it at the people they had caught telling the story. Of course, they were invisible so they wouldn't be caught.

A servant walked down the hallway, hurrying somewhere,and Svald nudged Loki. Loki grinned and shot a ball of glittery purple paint at them, and it smacked into the back of the servant's head, breaking like a filled balloon. He yelped and whipped around, trying to catch the culprit, but eventually just rubbed the back of his head and moved on, unaware that his skin was purple.

In fact, none of the people who now had freshly dyed skin knew they were a different color. Other people did, of course, but it was amusing to watch people deny being blue, or green, or whatever color Svald had decided to make next.

The next person who came down was Thor, hurrying down the hallway somewhere. Loki shot a paintball at him, making him a glittery pink. Loki stifled his laughter as Thor whipped around, then looked down at himself. The Warriors Three came down the hall after Thor, then stopped short before grinning, Fandral snickering.

“Thor,” Volstagg started. “My friend... Might I ask why you're _pink_?”

“What?” Thor looked at him, confused. “I'm not pink.”

“Yes, you are,” Fandral replied, covering his mouth to hide his smile. “It's very appealing.”

Loki shot another one at Fandral. He turned orange and Thor let out a laugh.

“You're _orange_!” Volstagg informed Fandral, who frowned and looked down at himself. Hogun merely looked around the room until Loki shot one at him as well, making him red, then another at Volstagg, making him yellow. They were all now laughing, except for Hogun.

“Loki!” Thor called. “Loki, where are you? We know it's you.”

Loki appeared, grinning, and uncovered Svald as well. Thor grinned at Loki and said “What's this for?”

“Revenge,” Loki said promptly. “On you and Fandral.”

“For spreading around that rumor about Sleipnir,” Svald added. “And we've been talking it out on other people we've caught telling the rumor.

Thor grinned and shrugged. “I suppose I deserved it then. Come down and take it off now.”

Loki cackled. “I can't!”

Thor's grin faded a bit. “What?”

“He can't!” Svald echoed, also laughing. “It comes off by itself in a month or two!”

This wasn't actually true; Loki could take the coloring out whenever he wished

“ _What_?” Thor looked angry now. “Loki!”

“Whoop!” Loki leaped down from the rafters with Svald and the two ran away, an angered Thor chasing after, shouting profanities. Loki grabbed Svald's hand and the two ran out, cackling as they went, Loki shouting “That's what you get for spreading around untrue rumors, Thor!”

Until, of course, they ran headlong into the Allfather. Loki yelped and ducked past him, hiding behind him. Odin frowned and looked at them, saying “Loki what are you...?”

“Loki, I swear to Yggdrasil, if you don't get this paint off, I'll rip out your spine and feed it to a- Oh. Hello, Father.” Thor stopped and Odin turned back, looking his first born up and down, Loki and Svald's ill-stifled laughter coming from behind him.

“Hello, Thor,” Odin replied after a moment. “Loki, why is your brother... pink?”

“I thought it'd bring out his eyes,” Loki replied, completely deadpan. Svald choked on his laughter and leaned against Loki, tears streaming from his eyes.

Odin sighed and walked off, shaking his head. Loki and Svald resumed their running away, and Thor returned to cursing them both. They ran to the stables and Svald took lead, grabbing Loki's arm and running to the cottage he and his father lived in, opening the door and pushing Loki inside, slamming the door shut behind them. Svald's father, Svein, was sitting in an armchair, writing something, and he looked up over his reading glasses at the two boys in vague bewilderment. Loki and Svald simply staggered over to the kitchen table and sat down, catching their breath. They were still giggling and Loki leaned back in his chair, head tilted to look at the ceiling. Svein watched them for a moment before saying “Do I even want to know?”

“No,” both boys replied and Svein nodded.

“Very well.” He went back to whatever he was writing. After a minute, Svald tapped Loki and indicated the stairs with his eyes. Loki nodded and they went upstairs to Svald's room, closing the door behind them. Loki kicked his boots off and curled up on the bed, Svald joining him a minute later. He wrapped an arm around Loki's shoulders and Loki scooted closer, placing his head on Svald's chest. Svald put his other arm around Loki and Loki sighed, content as Svald's hand ended up on his hip.

They were quiet. Svald absently tangled his hand in Loki's hair, humming softly. Loki closed his eyes and drifted, a smile on his lips.

“So when are we going to take the dye off of Thor and Fandral?” Svald asked after a few moments. Loki laughed softly.

“How about in a year?” He said. “We'll take it off of everyone else beforehand. But leave it on them for longer.”

“How much longer, Beauty?” Svald asked.

“Hmm,” Loki grinned into Svald's collar. “How about a year?”

“Sounds good,” Svald replied, kissing the top of Loki's head. He went back to playing with Loki's hair, fingers lazily tracing circles into his scalp. “Loki,” he said, “there's something I need to tell you.”

“Mm?” Loki blinked his eyes opened and shifted his head up. “What is it?”

Svald frowned, gazing at the ceiling. Loki shifted closer, leg hooking around Svald's. “Is it something bad?”

“Maybe,” Svald replied slowly. “Father has been corresponding lately. With my mother's family. Mother had a brother and a sister, and he doesn't have any family. I'm not sure why.” He paused. “More, I have an idea as to why, but I don't-” He bit his lip. Loki wrapped an arm around Svald.

“What's your idea?” He asked.

“I think-” Svald swallowed. “I think he's going to send me away.”

Loki blinked. “Why would he do that?”

“That's just it, I'm not sure,” Svald replied, sounding distressed. “I've tried talking to him about it, but he just brushes it off, saying it's nothing.”

Loki sat up, propping himself so he could look down at his not-quite lover. Svald looked up at him with worried eyes, so Loki said “How can I help?”

“I don't know,” Svald said softly. “I don't want to leave Asgard. I'm- This is my _home_!” He bit his lip. “I nicked one of the letters he's received from the trash, and it said that they wouldn't mind letting me stay there, but I don't know why I would be staying there at all.”

“Maybe it's to get to know them better?” Loki suggested.

Svald shook his head. “I don't know,” he said quietly. “I don't want to go.”

_I don't want you to go either,_ Loki thought, and hugged him tighter as he made a noise of distress. Svald leaned into Loki for a few minutes before saying “I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm upset, I just-” he broke off.

“Shh,” Loki said, voice soft as he stroked Svald's head. “It's all right, darling. You've nothing to apologize for. Understand? You can tell me anything.”

Svald nodded and Loki kissed he top of his head. “Do you want me to stay?”

“Yes,” Svald whispered, burying his nose in Loki's collarbone. “Please.”

“As long as you like,” Loki murmured.

“Thank you. For listening.” Loki smiled gently.

“Valhalla knows you would have done the same for me,” Loki replied. He paused, then added “Would you like me to talk to him? See if I can figure anything out?”

Svald swallowed, then nodded silently. Loki rubbed circles into his back. “Okay. That's okay.”

“I don't want to go to Vanaheim,” Svald whispered. “I want to stay here, with you.”

“I know,” Loki said soothingly. “But we'll be of age soon. Then we can do whatever we want.”

Svald snorted. “Seventy-five years isn't exactly _soon_ , Loki.”

“It's not forever, either,” Loki pointed out.

“You're younger than I am,” Svald replied. “And you're not allowed to leave Asgard yet.”

“I can wait,” Loki murmured, looking up at Svald. Svald just smiled and kissed him.

* * *

Loki and Svald were in Frigga's gardens when it happened. They was laying stomach-down on the grass, Loki reading aloud. The sun was out, and birds were in the trees, and they were both perfectly relaxed. A breeze went past and Loki huffed, flattening the pages of his book while Svald grinned, rolling onto his back to watch clouds.

“Loki!” Frigga's call startled them out of their calm and he sat up, looking around as she hurried over. “Loki, come. The stables- There was a fire-”

Svald got it before Loki did. Is eyes widened as the words meaning sank in, and he scrambled to his feet, taking off at a run, Loki following. His heart pounded as he dodged around people in the halls, not even bothering to apologize as he went on, cursing the fact that the stables were on the complete other side of the palace before remembering he could teleport.

There was a crowd when he arrived, appearing in the rafters. He spotted Svald pushing through the crowd and Loki climbed down. He grabbed Svald's wrist and pulled him aside.

“We have to get the barn doors open and pull the fire safety,” Loki said, trying desperately to remain calm as Svald's panic burst through.

“Loki, my father's in there! I have to help- I have to-”

“Svald, the smoke doesn't have anywhere to go!” Loki said. “Everything's trapped, and if the horses are trapped, your father's going to stay and release them!”

Svald swallowed and nodded. “I-I'll go around the back.”

“I'll try to get in from this way,” Loki said. Svald nodded and ran off. Loki pushed his way towards the front of the crowd that had gathered, the guards ordering people back while others put out the fire, and when Loki finally got to the front, one held him back and said “Your Highness, you cannot pass just yet-”

Loki stopped and stood on his toes to try and see past. The roof had caved in, and the screaming of frightened horses was nearly deafening. He tried to push past again, and the guard stopped him again, his words unheard as Loki continued to struggle to get through.

There were healers and people moved to let them get through, to help the handlers who had gotten out. Loki saw his chance and slipped past, running through even as the guard shouted at him to come back. Hge ran into the stables and looked around, magic sparking at his fingertips, and he called it to him, water coming from nowhere and dousing all the flames he saw. He got to the safety controls and pulled on them, releasing the locks from all stalls, and all the horses ran around in confusion. Loki turned and saw that the barn door was still firmly shut. He went to the lock and struggled with it for a moment, then stood back and blasted it with magic instead, then moved out of the way as horses ran out.

Once all the horses had gone out, Loki turned and looked around and called “Svein? Svein, where are you?”

Guards were trying to herd the horses together, Sleipnir staying out of their reach. Loki went out and Svald ran over to him.

“The guards wouldn't let me through,” he said, looking afraid. “Loki, where is my father?”

“I don't know,” Loki said, looking around. “We'll find him, I promise, but we can't go back in.”

Svald nodded and they watched guards go into the stables. “We... We should help round up the horses...”

Loki nodded and they turned away from the ruins of the stables. Loki put his fingers to his lips and whistled, calling Sleipnir to him. He mounted and said to Svald “You know all the horses better. If anyone asked on who's authority you're working, just say my name; it's not much, but... Well, it has to count for something. Try to get them towards the training field.”

Svald nodded and turned to herd the horses together while Loki rode Sleipnir to the training field, opening the gates. He got off Sleipnir, and said “Be good,” before guiding the horses into the field as they trotted over.

A little before all the horses were safely in, Loki heard Svald scream. His head whipped around and he saw two people carrying someone out of the stables, a guard holding Svald back. Loki ran over and Svald tried to claw himself away from the guard, nearly succeeding before Loki grabbed him and pulled him away from the guard.

“Father! Let me go, let me go! _Father_!” Loki pulled his lover close and covered his eyes from the gruesome scene. Svald continued to fight until Loki pressed a hand to the back of his head.

“Svald, let the healers do their job,” he murmured softly, making Svald listen. Svald stopped struggling and Loki watched as the healers carried Svein off towards the Healing Rooms. Loki took Svald and led him after them, telling a healer on the way in that Svald was family. Greya, the healer, nodded and allowed them to sit and wait. Loki sat next to Svald, taking his hand and putting an arm around his shoulders. Another healer brought them cups of water, which Loki gladly accepted, making Svald take it in little sips. When he finished, Loki got up and said “I'm going to get more, okay? Wait here.”

Svald nodded and hugged his knees to his chest. Loki walked over to where Greya stood and murmured “Healer Greya, if I may... How bad is he?”

Greya sighed and said “You mean the Stable Master, yes? I do not know, Your Highness; they aren't finished with him. However, he looked bad when he came in. I have... doubts.”

Loki nodded and went to refill the cups before returning to Svald. Svald looked up and whispered “Is he going to be okay?”

“I don't know,” Loki replied honestly, and Svald hugged him around the middle, burying his face in Loki's collar, breath coming out shaky. Loki embraced and soothed him as best he could, stroking his hair and hushing, telling him to breath.

One agonizing hour later, Greya came over. “Svein is stable for now. We don't know if it will last the night, but we are monitoring him now. Svald, you may go in, however regulations state only family may go in.”

“I understand,” Loki said. “Can I walk him over, though?”

“You can even wait outside, if you would like,” Greya replied. Loki nodded and got Svald to his feet, leading him and following Greya.

“You can go, if you want, Beauty,” Svald mumbled to him. “You don't have to wait out here.”

“I'll be fine,” Loki murmured. “I'll be here if you need me.”

Svald eyed the chair and frowned. “It looks uncomfortable.”

“It's fine,” Loki said, crossing his arms. “Honestly, I don't mind.”

Svald nodded and kissed Loki's cheek. “Thank you,” he mumbled, then went into the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Svald and Loki are in Frigga's gardens, enjoying the mild day, when suddenly Frigga comes in and informs them of a fire in the stables. The two get there and Loki makes up a plan to get the horses out, which goes great, so none of the horses are killed, except Svald's father Svein was in there, and he's very very hurt now. They found him and brought him to the Healing Rooms, and a Healer called Grya is very helpful. Loki is now sitting outside of Svein's room, and Svald went in.
> 
> I'm sorry for not updating recently! I had to COMPLETELY re-write this chapter, and got stuck for a while. Thank you to those who left kudos!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye, Svaldifari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Svein died overnight. Healers had rushed into the room, and handed Svald to Loki, telling him to leave. Loki followed their orders, despite Svald's screaming. Once he had stopped, he broke down on the floor, shaking his head and whispering “No, no, no, no...” While Loki put his arms around him and squeezed.

They didn't move for several hours.

The rest of the day passed in a numb blur as preparations for Svein's funeral were made. The problem then was what to do with Svald; he wasn't of age yet, and there were no relatives of his in Asgard. He was currently living in the servants' quarters of the palace, but after hearing about the situation, Loki grabbed Svald and led him into his own room, insisting upon carrying a box of Svald's clothes and personal possessions.

“It's not like we haven't shared a bed before,” Loki said when Svald tried to protest. “And people are used to you joining me for meals. It'll be fine.”

Sometimes Loki wondered who he was trying to convince.

The only person who noticed Svald wasn't sleeping in the servants' quarters was, unsurprisingly, Frigga. They discovered this when she knocked on the door, about three weeks after the incident, carrying a few books that Loki had been looking for. She'd caught them together on Loki's sofa, cuddling and reading. Loki had turned a bright red and Svald stammered an apology, jumping up as if to leave. Frigga merely smiled gently and put the books down.

“You mustn't be like that,” she chided. “I've known about your relationship for years.”

It only made Loki blush more and she smiled walking over. Loki was in her female form and Frigga paused briefly before saying “Loki, should you wish for more feminine clothing, you need only ask.”

Loki mumbled a “No, thank you,” and Frigga smiled, kissing her forehead before turning to leave. Once she was gone, Loki made a guttural noise of embarrassment before burying her face in her hands, ears a lovely shade of scarlet. Svald was still staring at the door and he finally said “She _knew_?”

Loki nodded and Svald grabbed her before laying back down. “I like your mother, Loki. She's nice.”

They remained in silence for a few more moments, then Svald picked the book they'd been reading up, and started again.

* * *

“Loki?” No answer. “Beauty, are you awake?”

“Maybe,” Loki mumbled, eyes closed. “Wha's wrong?”

Silence. “Nothing, love. Go back to sleep.”

 _Liar_. Loki opened her eyes and blinked, looking up at Svald, realizing vaguely that she'd turned into a girl sometime whilst asleep. “Svald?”

“It's nothing, Beauty. Go back to sleep, okay?” _Liar_.

“What's wrong?” Loki repeated, looking up. There was a strip of moonlight over the end of the bed, illuminating Svald's features, copper hair dark against the pillow. His eyes were open and he stared at the ceiling. Loki sat up when he didn't reply, propping herself on her elbow. “Svald?”

“It can wait until morning,” he replied softly. “Don't worry yourself.”

Loki frowned at him and tucked her hair being an ear. “Tell me.”

“It can _wait_ ,” he insisted and she huffed, waving a hand so a few candles lit around the room.

“Svald, please tell me,” she replied. His gaze slipped from the ceiling and to her instead.

“Loki... If I asked you to run away with me, would you do it?” He asked in a rush. Loki shook her head, frowning in confusion.

“Repeat that?” She asked, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

“Run away with me,” he repeated. “If I asked you to run away with me, would you?”

Loki opened her mouth and blinked at him, open mouthed. “Svald, I-”

“Would you?” He asked. “If I asked it of you, would you come?”

“But- Svald, where would we even _go_?” Loki asked, sitting up, pulling the sheet around to cover herself.

“Who knows?” He shrugged. “Anywhere. Anywhere we want. Anywhere _you_ want. Would you?”

“I-” Loki but her lip and sat up, crossing her legs and wrapping the sheet around her shoulders. “Svald, I _can't_.”

“Why not?” He asked, also sitting up. “Nothing's ever stopped you before.”

“I can't,” Loki repeated. “I'm- I've got responsibilities to Asgard, to my _family_ , I can't just get up and _leave_ -”

“But if none of those things mattered,” Svald said. “If I asked, would you come?”

“But they _do_ matter,” Loki replied, biting her lip. “Darling, you know I'd follow you anywhere, but Asgard is my home, and I have to stay.”

“You have to?” Svald asked. “Or you _want_ to?”

“I- I don't-” Loki shook her head, trying to clear it. “Both, I suppose. Asgard is my home, and we're not even of age yet. I'm not even _allowed_ to leave.” She looked at him curiously. “Why even bring this up? What's happened?”

Svald huffed and looked away. “You won't even consider it? For my sake?”

“I never said that,” Loki replied gently. “Svald, what's the matter?”

Svald fell silent. Loki reached out and placed a hand on his cheek. He looked up at her and said softly “They're going to send me to Vanaheim, to live with my mother's relatives. The other option is to live with random people here in Asgard, away from the palace. I'd never be able to see you, not like we do now, and if I'm sent to Vanaheim, we won't be able to see each other until I'm of age and can come back.” He looked at her desperately. “Loki, I'm in love with you. And I want you to come with me, to run away with me. We could do whatever we wanted.”

“I love you, too,” Loki said softly. “You know I do, more than anything-”

“Then come with me!” He pleaded.

“I can't,” Loki said in exasperation. “It's as simple as that, Svald; I can't. I have responsibilities here, as the Prince of Asgard-”

“But are you?” Svald asked. “I mean, you're a girl half the time!”

“What does that matter?” Loki snapped. “The only people who know are you, my mother, and Eir.”

“So you're saying the Allfather doesn't know?” Svald asked skeptically. “Women aren't eligible for the throne, beauty. And if Heimdall knows, he could easily tell the Allfath-”

“It doesn't even matter!” Loki said. “Everyone knows Thor's going to get it in the end anyway.”

“Then why not come with me?” Svald asked, frustrated.

“Because, to put it delicately, Thor's more a diamond short of a necklace,” Loki hissed. “And if he becomes King, he'll need someone with brains to actually _run the damn Realm_.”

“Then why not have someone _else_?” Svald said, voice raising. “It doesn't have to be _you_ , Loki!”

“It _does_!” Loki said, voice also raising. “I'm the second heir, Svald! It's _expected_ of me-”

“And since when have you _ever_ lived up to expectations?” Svald all but shouted. “You're not _like_ them, Loki, you never _have_ been!”

Loki faltered, heart skipping a beat. Her lips were open and her eyes were wide. Tears prickled there and Svald's face looked shocked, as if he just realized what he'd just said.

“Beauty...”

“You think I don't know that?” She asked, voice pinched. “You think I don't know that I'm _different_? You think I want to be? That I _asked_ to be like this?” She waved at her own body. Her lips trembled and she got up, walking over to the window. She had gone to sleep without a shirt on, and grabbed the dressing-gown thrown over a chair, pulling it on to cover herself. She then hugged herself as Svald sighed.

“Loki, that's not what I meant,” he said in exasperation, throwing back the covers. Loki rubbed furiously at her eyes.

“Then _explain_ ,” she hissed. “Because right now...” She swallowed and Svald came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, hugging her close and kissing the top of her head.

“I love you, Beauty,” he murmured. “So much. I meant that you don't fill the expectations set by warriors.”

Loki flinched. “Okay,” he amended. “ Not the best explanation. Um...” he thought. “I'm not as good as words as you. What I _meant_ was that you... _exceed_ expectations? You're smart, you're funny, you're passionate, you're honest...” Loki snorted at the past one.

“Not everyone would agree with that,” she mumbled.

“Not everyone knows you like I do,” he reminded her. “You're _wonderful_ , Loki. I just...” He sighed. “I just don't want to be _alone_.”

“You're asking to choose between my family, my _home_ , and this, this _running away_. I can't just run away, Svald.”

Svald sighed and pulled her closer as they stared out the window, at the darkened city below. Finally, he whispered “Okay.”

“What?” Loki looked up.

“I said, okay,” he repeated, sounding sad. “I won't ask you to choose. But Loki...” He bit his lip. “Loki, would you wait for me? Until I come back?”

“When would you come back?” Loki asked, turning around to get a better look at him.

“When I'm of age,” he replied. “When I'm one-thousand. Not so long, is it?”

“Do you promise? You'll be back?” Loki asked, eyes silently pleading. _Don't lie. Don't betray me. Please._

“I promise,” he said softly. “I promise, Loki, I'll be back for you.”

“Where will you go?” Loki asked.

“I'm not sure,” Svald said, shrugging. “Perhaps Midgard. I'll tell them more stories about our adventures.”

“Okay,” Loki whispered after a moment. “I'll wait.” Svald smiled and pressed their foreheads together, fingers lacing together, eyes closed.

“Let's go back to sleep,” he said. “It's late. And I'm not leaving right this very minute.”

“When will you?” Loki asked, opening her eyes. “If you do.”

“Soon,” Svald replied. “I'll tell you, okay?”

“Mhm.” Loki allowed herself to be led back to bed and Svald cuddled her, pulling her close, their legs tangling together. Loki eventually fell back to sleep.

* * *

Svald vanished two days later. Loki looked everywhere, the stables, the library, the tower, the training yard, everywhere he could think. He found the Warriors Three instead, and they called “Loki! Where're you going?”

“I'm looking for Svald,” Loki replied, looking around. “Have you seen him?”

“Have you tried his quarters?” Fandral asked.

“He's packed everything,” Loki replied in a rush. It was true; the trunk of clothes and personal possessions had been emptied.

“We'll help look,” Volstagg said. “Never fear, Loki.”

Loki nodded and ran off, continuing his search. It went on for another three hours before he sat in the kitchens with a glass of water. _Did he leave without telling me?_ He thought as he sipped. _No, he wouldn't... Would he?_ He sighed and finished the water, putting the cup in a sink of other dishes. _Where would he_ go _?_

The answered occurred to him a few moments later, as he walked through the gardens. _Oh. Of course. Where else could he have gone?_ Feeling like an idiot, Loki ran to the palace wall and climbed a tree, making his way to the secret waterfall.

Sure enough, he found Svald sitting by the water, a pack laying against a tree. Loki stopped and watched him for a moment before saying “I thought you'd left.”

Svald jumped and turned. His hair had been pulled back into a ponytail and he smiled gently. “I knew you'd find me here, eventually.” Loki hesitated before Svald held out a hand. “Come here, beauty.”

Loki smiled a little and walked forwards, taking Svald's hand and sitting next to him. They watched the fish swimming around for a few minutes, then Svald said “So. You're staying here.”

Loki nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “But you'll be back, right? When you turn of age?”

“I promised, didn't I?” Svald joked, smiling. It was sad. Loki didn't smile back. Svald wrapped his arm around Loki's shoulders and dipped his hands into the water, then pulled it up. An orb of water rest in his palm, a small fish trapped inside. He handed it to Loki and Loki smiled a little, taking it and watching the fish swim around in his hand. “Seventy-five years from today, we'll meet right here.”

“What time?” Loki asked. Not looking up.

“I don't know,” he admitted. “But I promise, I _will_ be here.”

Loki nodded, slowly. “What's the date?”

“It's the eighteenth. September,” Svald replied. “Your birthday's coming up soon. I guess I'll miss it.”

“That's okay,” Loki said. Loki's nine-hundredth birthday had been four years before, before he'd started speaking again. Svald summoned his pack and rooted through it for a minute, then pulled out a small trinket.

“It's not much,” he admitted, taking Loki's hand and slipping a small, square box into Loki's palm. “But it'll have to do. Happy birthday, Loki.”

Loki blinked, looking down and opened the box. Inside was a pair of earrings with green stones shaped like ovals. There was no metal on them, save for the posts.

“I know you don't have your ears pierced,” Svald admitted, “But they were my mother's. Take care of them for me, yeah? I don't want them to get lost.”

Loki nodded wordlessly, closing the box and slipping it into his pocket. Svald pulled out a small watch and peered down at it. “It's getting late. I should go. Don't tell anyone where I've gone, okay?”

“Where are you going?” Loki asked.

“Vanaheim,” he said, smiling a little as he slung the back over his shoulder. “Got to get a job somewhere, right?” His smile faded a little and he said softly “Take care of yourself, okay, Beauty?”

“You too,” Loki said. They shuffled, then Loki embraced him tightly. “Don't be an idiot without me.”

“You've my word,” Svald said, laughing softly. Loki pulled back and Svald pressed his forehead to Loki's. “I'll be back. I promise, Loki. Okay?”

“I love you, Svald,” Loki murmured, eyes closed.

“I love you too, Loki,” Svald replied. A moment later, he kissed Loki, very softly on the lips, just for a few seconds. Loki opened his eyes as Svald pulled away, backing away a few steps. “May the Norns grant you good health, Loki.”

He turned and walked off, and nearly reached the trees when Loki said “Until we meet again.”

Svald cracked a true smile. “Until then, Beauty.”

And then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured you guys deserve another chapter. There's not much of this left; only a couple more chapters.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen in seventy-five years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Loki waited.

For the most part, he hung around Thor and the Warriors Three, following them on their adventures, and getting them out of trouble on a daily basis. Sif came back four years later for Yuletide and impressed everyone with her new skills, earning new respects. Loki ignored her until she came up to him during the Yuletide Feast, walking over to the quiet corner he'd found to read in.

“Loki?” She said hesitantly.

“Yes, Lady Sif?” Loki asked, politely, looking up from his book.

“I want to apologize for what happened before I left,” she said in a rush, holding her hands in front of her and looked at the floor. “It was wrong of me to blame you without any proof.”

Loki blinked at her, slowly. Then, he picked up his bookmark, closed his book, and stood, looking her up and down for the first time in years.

“You look well,” he commented at last. He was taller than she was now, a fact he was quite proud of.

“As do you,” she replied. Loki didn't reply for a moment.

Finally, he said “Are you looking for my forgiveness, Sif?”

“...Yes,” she admitted, looking at the ground. Loki stood and she looked up at him.

“You knew it wasn't me,” Loki said, flatly. “And you _knew_ it wasn't me, didn't you?”

Sif's eyes widened and she opened her mouth. “Loki, I-”

“I don't want to hear excuses,” Loki cut her off. He looked at her, eyes cold, and said “Do you want to know why the Dwarfs sewed my lips shut? And oh, yes, Sif; that wasn't just a rumor. I've the scars to prove it. You know why?” He didn't wait for her answer. “Because originally, they wanted my head. And I agreed to that, because I had admitted to a crime I hadn't committed. And when I outsmarted them, they sewed my lips shut and threw me in a cellar for a week, my arms tied behind my back.

“You want forgiveness, Sif?” Loki asked. “You should have apologized _years_ ago. You never should have done it, you should have confessed to lying, and you should _not_ have run away. So no, Sif. I'm not going to forgive you. You don't deserve it. You call me a liar?” Loki sneered. “You should look in the mirror.”

With that, Loki turned and walked off to find a new place to read, leaving Sif to stare after him, dumbfounded.

* * *

More time passed. Sif and Loki were formal to each other at first, then bickered now and then. In all honesty, it was getting boring. Loki more or less threw himself into his studies, mostly uncaring of what others thought. A few of Sif's friends from the battle academy came to visit her, and she went back for another ten years. Loki played tricks on people. It was as if life had gone back to normal, before the incident with Sif's hair.

Loki hated it. He missed Svald, and tried to write him letters, but was unsure were to send them. He didn't want them getting into the wrong hands. He missed having Svald next to him in bed, having someone to talk to. He sometimes included Fandral in his tricks; he used to do that quite a bit, but lately Fandral was more interested in chasing skirts with Thor, and Hogun... Well, Loki had no idea what the quiet Vanir did in his spare time. Dancing? Reading? Fighting? Trying to keep Fandral out of trouble? All seemed like possibilities. Of the Warriors Three, Hogun _was_ the most sensible. Volstagg, on the other hand, was courting a lovely woman called Hedda. It was expected that they would get married before long, since he often doted on her. Fandral and Thor often teased him, but Volstagg just mumbled and shrugged.

“She'd beautiful, isn't she?” He murmured to Loki one evening, Loki having the misfortune to be squished between him and Thor. “My 'Edda.”

Loki looked over. She had light brown, nearly blonde hair that was pulled back into a bun, and lovely cornflower blue eyes. There were dimples when she smiled, which was often, and she had a loud laugh. She was also an excellent cook, according to Volstagg.

“She is,” Loki agreed. He looked up at Volstagg and said “You're in love with her, aren't you?”

“Wh-What?” Volstagg looked at Loki with wide eyes. Loki grinned.

“Oh, come now, my friend,” Loki said, patting his arm. “You're in love, there's no doubt about it.”

“No, I- We're not-” Volstagg stumbled over his words.

“It's nothing to be worried about, Volstagg,” he said, like there had been no interruption. “She's a lovely girl. You're perfect for each other, and from the way she looks at you, she's in love with you, too. And I know you've been courting her for the last few months, don't deny it,” he snorted at Volstagg's shocked expression. “Nothing stays a secret forever, darling. I suggest you announce it soon, though. From the amount of time you spend with her, people might talk.”

Volstagg looked worried about that. “Should I? Her parents already know. They've given me their blessing.”

“Are you going to ask her to marry you?” Loki asked, tilting his head to the side.

“I- No,” Volstagg admitted. “I mean, we've _talked_ about it, but-”

“Whyever not?” Loki asked, raising his eyebrows.

“We're- We've only known each other for a decade!” He replied.

“So?” Loki shrugged. “Some people marry sooner than that.”

“Perhaps I don't want to, yet,” Volstsagg protested.

“What, afraid of the commitment?” Loki asked, raising an eyebrow. “She loves you. You love her. I see no problem here.”

“It's not just about _love_ , Loki,” Volstagg said, shaking his head. “There are other things involved. What if I die in battle? What would happen to her, and to our family if we had one?”

Loki looked at Volstagg. “If you die in battle, then we, your _friends_ , will care for her, and any kin you might have. Just as you would do for any of us. She's an intelligent woman, she knows the risks as much as you. She knows you are a warrior, and it hasn't stopped other warriors from getting married. Do you think the same thoughts do not occur to _them_?”

Volstagg still looked uncertain. Loki sighed. “Volstagg, her parents have already given their consent and permission, their _blessing_. All you can do is ask.”

“What if she says no?” Volstagg asked, looking down.

“You don't even know for sure she _will_ say no,” Loki pointed out. “Logically, you won't know until you ask. Ge the girl a ring, take an arrow to the knee, and _ask_. Besides, _look_ at her.” Volstagg looked up at Hedda and sighed.

“Loki, you are not even of age,” he said. “What do you know of love?”

Loki sighed and turned, calling “Hedda!”

She turned and smiled lovingly at Volstagg. “Yes, Loki?” She asked, gaze shifting over to him.

“In your professional opinion, what sort of jam goes best on toast?” He asked. She considered.

“Boysenberry,” she replied after a minute. “Or apple.”

“See? I told you,” Loki said, grinning at Thor.

“What?” Thor said, looking at him, looking over at him in confusion.

“Nothing.” Loki turned back to Volstagg. “Did you see her when she looked at you? Unconditional love, my friend. Ask her.”

Volstagg nodded at last. “I suppose you're right. Thank you, Loki.”

“What do you mean? I'm _always_ right,” Loki said, grinning. “But you're welcome, Volstagg.”

* * *

Two years later, Volstagg and Hedda were married. A few years after that, they had their first children, a boy and a girl called Alaric and Gunnhild. Both were so small and adorable, and Volstagg doted on them. It was, in Loki's opinion, hilarious to watch someone as large as Volstagg holding two infants. The twins had Volstagg's red hair, and Hedda's beautiful blue eyes.

Loki continued to wait. Thor and Fandral often poked fun at the fact that Loki was “probably still a virgin,” but when asked, Loki just shrugged.

“I'm waiting,” he replied, when Fandral asked him why that was.

“But why?” Thor asked, grinning and wrapping an arm around him. “There are so many gorgeous women to choose from. And you're a prince! You can practically handpick someone.”

“I'm just not interested, Thor,” Loki sighed.

“There are also very gorgeous _men_ in Asgard, Loki,” Fandral said, giving him a knowing grin. “Might you choose one of them instead?”

“I'm not _interested_!” Loki insisted. “Leave me alone!”

Thor chuckled. “Come now, brother. Tell me; is there someone special?”

“No,” Loki said flatly. Fandral looked delighted.

“Oh, there _is_ ,” he said, grinning widely. “Who is it? Come on, tell!”

Loki turned and looked at them, unimpressed. “I am simply waiting for the right person. I acknowledge that Asgard is full of beautiful men and women, and certainly I've noticed, however I've a certain type, and very few in Asgard fit.”

“Oh? And what type is that?” Thor asked, raising an eyebrow as Loki turned to walk off. Loki laughed.

“The intelligent ones,” Loki called back, then ran off, chanting “I'm the smartest in As-gard, I'm the smartest in As-gard,” while Thor and Fandral chased him.

“How old are you, three hundred?” Fandral shouted after him. Loki just laughed and continued to run away.

* * *

The years slipped by. Loki kept his promise and waited, rejecting those who made their advances.  _Only twenty more years. Only twenty more years,_ he thought one night, leaning against the balcony raining in the tower, staring up at the stars. It was quite late.

A noise went on behind him and he turned. Odin stood in the doorway, eyebrows raised. Loki blinked at him and he walked over, leaning against the railing next to him.

“Do you remember the name of that one?” The Allfather asked, pointing to a distant star.

“Um...” Loki squinted at it, frowning. “That's... Hediva, isn't it?”

“Jatu,” Odin corrected. “ _That_ one,” he pointed, “is Hediva.”

“Oh,” Loki said. “Right.” he looked around for a moment, then pointed. “What's that one?”

“Tharuel,” Odin replied. Loki nodded and they continued to look up. Finally, Odin said “Whatever happened to your friend? Svaldifari?”

“He left,” Loki said. “Didn't tell me where he was going.”

“I see,” Odin replied. There was a pause. Then, Odin asked “You and Fandral seem close.”

“He's a friend,” Loki shrugged. “He's not Svald, but he'll do until Svald gets back.”

“Ah,” Odin said, nodding. “I wasn't aware that Svaldifari was returning.”

“Yes,” Loki replied. “Soon.”

Odin nodded. “Good. You need more friends.”

Loki stiffened. “I am perfectly capable of doing things by myself,” he said.

“I am aware,” Odin replied. “However having a companion never hurt anyone.”

“Unless they are betrayed by said companion,” Loki pointed out. “Betrayal never comes from your enemies.”

“True,” Odin acknowledged. “It is difficult for you to trust people.”

“Perhaps people simply find it hard to trust _me_ ,” Loki sad flatly.

“Well, you don't exactly make it _easy_ , my boy,” Odin said, glancing at him. “There are plenty of people who would be willing to-”

“To what? Be 'friends' with me?” Loki snorted and turned away, making for the door. “You confuse me for Thor, Father. It is rare that people want me to join them, unless they want something. That's how my policy came to be.”

“And what is that policy?” Odin asked, turning to look at Loki. Loki looked back and gave his father a lazy smile.

“If you can't join them, beat them, and if you can't beat them, laugh at them.”

* * *

Loki was sitting by the pond, hair tied back in a braid that hung over her shoulder, loose wisps of hair tickling her face. She brushed it away carelessly, listening for any sign of footsteps. Birds chirped and the fish swam, and the waterfall splashed loudly, but Loki focused, one hand skimming the surface of the water.

It was September eighteenth, and she would be seeing Svald for the first time in seventy-five years. She'd gotten there in the morning, bringing a pack of food with her. She'd eaten some of the berries in the surrounding bushes, and some of the bread and cheese for breakfast, though the sun was getting high in the sky. She'd left a note in her bedroom in case someone went to find her, saying that she'd left for the day, and not to expect her back before the next morning.

It was a warm day, and she wore short sleeves. For once, she'd gone to Frigga and had shyly asked for a simple white dress to wear, and she wore it now with black trousers underneath. Her boots were resting against a tree, and she eventually pulled off the dress and trousers to soak in the pond for a minute, trying to cool off, then laid down in a sunny spot to dry. Once she was mostly dry, and satisfied, she used a spell to dry herself off completely, and pulled her hair back.

And so she sat, now, on the edge of the pond, leggings abandoned next to her boots. She'd also pierced her ears about a decade back, and wore the green stones that Svald had given her. She'd brought a couple of books with her, and realizing just how bored she had become, grabbed her pack and took one out, flipping through to her place and beginning to read, her legs crossed. She eventually pulled out a piece of bread and cheese and slowly chewed as she continued to read, eyes and mind slowly soaking up the material.

When the book was finished, Loki laid on her stomach and watched the fish dart back and forth, legs in the air and crossed at the ankles. She sighed. The fish continued to swim. No Svald.

_Where is he?_ Loki huffed and sat up again, letting her feet dangle into the water. It was getting to be late afternoon, and Loki was getting impatient. Eventually, she got up and began to pace around the clearing before getting the other book and reading, but getting distracted. Her mind kept tricking her, and she thought she heard footsteps, but whenever she looked up and around, there was no one.

A few hours later, she finished the next book. Then the next. Then she re-read the first book, but quickly got bored, so tried to amuse herself with illusions of birds and animals. Svald still hadn't arrived. It was beginning to get dark. Still no Svald.

_Did he forget?_ Loki wondered.  _Did I get the date wrong? Did something happen to him?_ She began to bite her nails. An hour later, it was dark. Loki used her bag as a pillow and looked up at the sky as stars came out. Eventually, Loki fell asleep, lulled by the noises of night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left! It's more of an epilogue, so it's short, but I'll post it later tonight.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Svald is an asshole, Loki is an emotional wreak, and Thor tries for comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

Svald wasn't coming.

Loki had eventually come to this realization when he remained in the clearing until the afternoon of the next day, then got up and went back to the palace, exchanging the white dress for the shirt he'd brought, a hollow feeling in his chest. When Thor and the Warriors Three came over to ask where he'd been, Loki ignored them and went to his bedroom, locking the door behind him. He threw the dress into the back of the closet and put his books away before laying on the bed, the hollowness being replaced by numbness.

Over the next few days, when Svald still didn't come, that feeling didn't go away. Then, suddenly, it would turn into a terrible, aching sadness. He cried, gasping sobs that shook him, tears leaking down and wetting his pillow as he curled up, grabbing the blanket for some form of comfort. Other days Loki was angry. And, like always when he was angry, he bottled it up.

He stopped talking first. Frigga was the first to notice, and asked him if everything was alright. He just nodded, and though she knew he was lying, she dropped it. Sometimes he hoped she'd push just a little further, but she never did, and he didn't go to her either. Hogun noticed, too, but said nothing. And maybe, just _maybe_ , Thor noticed. He'd offered to take Loki on a number of adventures, and Loki always quietly declined. On the days he felt like a girl, she stayed in her bedroom, staring numbly at the wall, having no will to turn back, and pulling the covers over her head when a servant came in with a meal.

Loki stopped eating. Then, he stopped leaving his room at all.

It went on for a few months.

No one stopped him.

He felt like he was falling.

And then Thor burst into the room one day, about a few months later, not bothering to knock, and looked around the room. It was a mess from Loki's indifference, and the elder sighed before walking over to Loki. He poked his brother's side and said “You look _terrible_.”

Loki didn't reply. He didn't acknowledge Thor's presence and continued to stare at the wall.

“When was the last time you bathed? Or changed clothes? And it's so _hot_ in here...” Thor huffed and walked to the window, throwing it open. Loki moaned pitifully and tugged the blanket over his head as a breeze came through. Thor sighed at him and walked into the bathroom. A few moments later, Loki heard the bath's tap turn and the sound of water hitting the bath, and Thor came back, looking through Loki's wardrobe for a moment before taking out clean clothes, laying them on a chair. He then went back to Loki and pulled the blanket aside. Loki whined and curled into a ball, taking the pillow to cover his head. Thor confiscated it and said “Bath.”

Loki glared up at him and Thor frowned. “You can walk, or I can carry you. The decision is yours.” Loki huffed and laid back down. “Carry it is.” Thor picked Loki up, and Loki whined, but there was no real fight in it. He set Loki down on the closed toilet lid and began to undress his little brother, then turned off the tap and tested the water, before picking him up and set him in the water. Thor had put some sort of soothing oil in, and Loki looked at the oil sitting on top of the water.

Thor looked around, picking up a washcloth and some soap, gently rubbing Loki to get the sweat and unclean off, murmuring instructions. Loki did as he was told and Thor continued to his back, then rinsed him off before starting in on his hair, gently combing his fingers through and scratching his scalp to get the dead skin off. He rinsed Loki's head, gently as to not get soap in his eyes, then unplugged the bath, letting the water drain out. He rinsed Loki off one more time, grabbed one of the towels, and patted Loki dry. He wrapped the towel around Loki's shoulders, then picked him up again, carrying him back to the bed. He laid him down and dressed him carefully, Loki slowly obeying his brother's commands. _Lift your arms. Sit up. Good._ Thor took the towel and dried Loki's hair a bit more, then grabbing a comb.

“Tonight, you are going to have supper with us,” Thor told him as he laced up a shoe. “It is in...” He checked the time. “...an hour, now. You will meet us in the smaller dining room.”

“'M not hungry,” Loki mumbled, looking at his hands curled in his lap.

“You've barely eaten anything in a month, Loki,” Thor said flatly. “A _month_. Our parents grow concerned for your health.” Loki didn't reply. Thor did up the laces on Loki's other boot. “If you are not down there in an hour, I will return and carry you there, do you understand?” Loki didn't reply. “Loki,” Thor said, a warning note there. Loki nodded, slowly. Thor softened. “Good. Don't be late, little brother.”

He left. Loki continued to stare at his hands, and eventually slid off the bed, making his way towards the bathroom, stopping at the sink to look at himself in the mirror; his face was pale and there were dark rings under his eyes. The usual glamor he had up to hide the small scars around his lips wasn't there, and he could easily see the small white dots lining them. His hair curled at the edges and had grown long since past his shoulders, and now hung towards the middle of his back. It was uncombed, and a bit ruffled from Thor drying it.

Slowly, Loki picked up a wide-toothed comb and began to pull it through, stopping when his hair was straight, then looked through a few drawers until he found a pair of shears. He stroked the ends of his hair for a minute, clenched his jaw, and grabbed his hair, cutting through. He cut again, and again, and again until his hair hung at his jaw, a bit unevenly. He evened it out a bit, then combed it back and out of his face like he used to do before he'd met Svaldifari. He cut the hair a bit more, then looked in the mirror, realizing that he'd been crying. He scrubbed at his face with his hands, then stooped, gathering the hair that had fallen when he'd cut it. He threw it out, then straightened, looking at the mirror once more. He brought up the glamour, hiding the scars and circles and pierced ears.

He looked almost normal like this. Pale, a bit gaunt, but normal nevertheless. He practiced smiling into the mirror for another twenty minutes, then turned, walking to the door, silent as a shadow.

He had a performance to put on. And Loki was _nothing_ if not a good actor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I hope you've all enjoyed this; I certainly enjoyed writing it. Tell me what you thought, I'm curious since I didn't get as many comments for this one as I got for _Am I Cursed?_
> 
> Thank you to those who left kudos, and I hope you all have a lovely day.

**Author's Note:**

> In this, Loki is genderfluid. Now, I've never really written a genderfluid character. I'm not genderfluid, so I've looked at the blogs of people who are to try and get a sense of it. I don't want to offend anyone, so if you are genderfluid, and have any advice on how to portray this better, I would be grateful. If you feel I'm doing a fairly decent job, telling me so would also benefit towards my writing, and stop me from worrying.


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